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Yes, prime minister?
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Masood Hasan
You have to tip your hat in admiration for the prime minister and his indefatigable secretariat for their awe-inspiring determination to succeed with an agenda high on their list. The recent accounts of how hard the secretariat has been pressing the Presidency to pass a law providing perks, allowances and privileges to former prime ministers make Bruce of Scotland look like a wimp. As the hilarious Broderick of Rowan Atkinson's Black Adder would put it: 'I have a cunning plan.' Cunning it is indeed. Ingenuity and single mindedness of purpose at play.
All the newspaper story has elicited so far is a denial from the PM's secretariat. Were it not to deny the story, heavens would surely come crashing down. The secretariat's motto deny all facts and keep on denying them till everyone goes home. The moles can then reappear and start knawing their way through the resisting walls of the Presidency which has so far not sanctioned the perks and allowances. Why it has not done so for the sitting Prime Minister -- he has been known to sometimes stand and on one or two occasions, actually take a stand, we do not know. Surely, the services rendered by Shaukat Aziz to this largely wretched nation, often at considerable risk to his personal safety, deserve twice the modest perks asked for, yet the sanctions have not arrived. Time which so far has not been abducted by the government is misbehaving and running. In fact, the carefully worded denial is actually about the procedure, while the main story -- what the fuss is all about, has been conveniently pushed aside. In Bridge they call it finesse but in the PM's Secretariat it is all in a day's work.
The perks. Firstly, they are very noble in spirit, applicable as they are to only those PMs who have served for more than a year since 2002. That means Chaudhry Shujaat is run out having batted only 30 days. Jamali and Shaukat Aziz thank God are still there. Having eliminated any possibility of self-advancement, the PM stands out smelling roses. Here is a man who has always put national interest ahead of his own. The perks? Pretty average stuff. Not even a round two dozen.
If passed, the PM who will then be a former PM, will gain exemption from the Pakistan Arms Ordinance of 1965 or any other law prevailing. He can possess fire-arms or ammunition. If he wants his own cannon, he can have that too. Visions of an army of vigilantes arise but these are just hallucinations. Why the presidency cannot say yes to such an ordinary request is hard to understand. It is the PM secretariat's decency no doubt reinforced by the PM himself that this clause has been drafted and put up. He could simply have bought the entire year's production of the POF and no one would have even known but the PM is a stickler for doing the right thing. Diplomatic passports for the PM, wife and dependent children. Piece of cake as far as I am concerned.
What I am sorry to see is that the cook/s, driver/s, gardener/s and guard/s have been missed out. Obviously a typing error that should be rectified immediately. Why grand children and their offspring have been left out will always be a matter of regret for the entire nation but when you are a selfless and diehard Pakistani, these sacrifices are of little consequence. Access to all government guest, rest and circuit houses free of cost forever. Perfectly legitimate. Again, I am disappointed to see that five star facilities have been missed out. They too exist in the country and why the PM and family cannot frolic there till the trumpets blow, is not understandable. Perhaps deep down he is a man of the people.
A mere Rs.60,000 per annum for free telephones installed and used is next. My cook runs up a bigger bill on his mobile so what is this paltry sum? Too damn little is what I say. Calling Condi could cost him an arm and a leg. I think this nation who owes him the bread that he puts on their table, should demand from the Presidency that this amount be made infinite. As a man who has led the telecom revolution, can we deny him and family free phone calls ad infinitum or is it ad nauseum? My Greek is not that good as it used to be.
One private secretary in Grade 18, one security guard, one driver and one cook for life. I would triple that number. Surely the prime minister intends to transplant his famous rose garden which enchanted Angelina Jolie so much that she clutched his hand and said, 'Oh prime minister, Oh prime minister,' and fell into a swoon. How is one gardener going to look after ten thousand roses? Free medical aid for life here, abroad and in the hereafter for self, wife and children. Missing is the retainers, extended family and close friends -- another example of how the PM does not wish to burden the national exchequer in any way at all.
Free official residence at the flat rate of just Rs.50,000 per month for life and if not occupied to be maintained by the government. Another modest request. What a selfless man! Why Rs.50,000 only I ask the drafters? My driver pays Rs. 8,000 for one room and is one supposed to accept that all this nation can fork out is just Rs. 50,000? I think we should all be ashamed of ourselves. Raise this fee to 50,000 US Dollars, a currency that the PM is more at home with and you have my vote. Dr Sher Afgan Niazi. Dr. Lion has been tirelessly campaigning for the prime minister's perks. A round of applause please. (clapping & wolf whistles).
Free electricity, gas etc for life. I wouldn't even mention it. Trivial sum of money. Just think of the bills the PM ran up ordering his Armani suits just so that he could preside over ECC meetings where great decisions were taken for oil exploration and power generation. Will we now deny him free utilities till the cows come home? I hope not. Please Mr President, have a heart and spare our feelings. We have never had a prime minister like Mr. Aziz. Rs. 100,000 for movement of household goods. Done. Even if they move from one room to the next, Mr Aziz should be able to collect Rs. 100,000 as he passes 'GO.' Peanuts as far as most of us are concerned and not worth a second thought. One car duty and tax free and Rs.20,000 per month or higher given that nothing stays down, for life.
I think this is not even fit for debate. It should have been passed as easy as water and if our formers are not going to be given duty free limos, how do we expect them to cope with motion sickness in say a Corolla or heaven forbid, a Civic. Personally, I would add a sports car as we go. I hear that the Porsche is quite something as any MNA will testify provided you are able to explain to him what testify means. Don't want the man to get wrong ideas. Special security for the PM and family. Of course. Pension at 80 per cent of his current salary. No problemo. Since the PM draws only one rupee per month, I guess that makes it 80 paisa if my French is right. I see no problem with that. Do you?
I only wish to add that half of all this goes to Dr. Afgan, a one month bonus to all the principled officers and staff at the ministry of parliamentary affairs, ministry of law and justice and all those who have crusaded for this noble cause. Since time is short, we must make this happen. The NWFP CM had his perks sanctioned by himself on his last day in office. That's what I call a sharp shooter. Oh and could we please order a Harrier Jet for the PM, that vertical take-off bird. Park it in the rose garden I say and keep the engines running.
Over the top
The writer is a Lahore-based columnist and a well-known journalist. Email: [email protected]
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Masood Hasan
You have to tip your hat in admiration for the prime minister and his indefatigable secretariat for their awe-inspiring determination to succeed with an agenda high on their list. The recent accounts of how hard the secretariat has been pressing the Presidency to pass a law providing perks, allowances and privileges to former prime ministers make Bruce of Scotland look like a wimp. As the hilarious Broderick of Rowan Atkinson's Black Adder would put it: 'I have a cunning plan.' Cunning it is indeed. Ingenuity and single mindedness of purpose at play.
All the newspaper story has elicited so far is a denial from the PM's secretariat. Were it not to deny the story, heavens would surely come crashing down. The secretariat's motto deny all facts and keep on denying them till everyone goes home. The moles can then reappear and start knawing their way through the resisting walls of the Presidency which has so far not sanctioned the perks and allowances. Why it has not done so for the sitting Prime Minister -- he has been known to sometimes stand and on one or two occasions, actually take a stand, we do not know. Surely, the services rendered by Shaukat Aziz to this largely wretched nation, often at considerable risk to his personal safety, deserve twice the modest perks asked for, yet the sanctions have not arrived. Time which so far has not been abducted by the government is misbehaving and running. In fact, the carefully worded denial is actually about the procedure, while the main story -- what the fuss is all about, has been conveniently pushed aside. In Bridge they call it finesse but in the PM's Secretariat it is all in a day's work.
The perks. Firstly, they are very noble in spirit, applicable as they are to only those PMs who have served for more than a year since 2002. That means Chaudhry Shujaat is run out having batted only 30 days. Jamali and Shaukat Aziz thank God are still there. Having eliminated any possibility of self-advancement, the PM stands out smelling roses. Here is a man who has always put national interest ahead of his own. The perks? Pretty average stuff. Not even a round two dozen.
If passed, the PM who will then be a former PM, will gain exemption from the Pakistan Arms Ordinance of 1965 or any other law prevailing. He can possess fire-arms or ammunition. If he wants his own cannon, he can have that too. Visions of an army of vigilantes arise but these are just hallucinations. Why the presidency cannot say yes to such an ordinary request is hard to understand. It is the PM secretariat's decency no doubt reinforced by the PM himself that this clause has been drafted and put up. He could simply have bought the entire year's production of the POF and no one would have even known but the PM is a stickler for doing the right thing. Diplomatic passports for the PM, wife and dependent children. Piece of cake as far as I am concerned.
What I am sorry to see is that the cook/s, driver/s, gardener/s and guard/s have been missed out. Obviously a typing error that should be rectified immediately. Why grand children and their offspring have been left out will always be a matter of regret for the entire nation but when you are a selfless and diehard Pakistani, these sacrifices are of little consequence. Access to all government guest, rest and circuit houses free of cost forever. Perfectly legitimate. Again, I am disappointed to see that five star facilities have been missed out. They too exist in the country and why the PM and family cannot frolic there till the trumpets blow, is not understandable. Perhaps deep down he is a man of the people.
A mere Rs.60,000 per annum for free telephones installed and used is next. My cook runs up a bigger bill on his mobile so what is this paltry sum? Too damn little is what I say. Calling Condi could cost him an arm and a leg. I think this nation who owes him the bread that he puts on their table, should demand from the Presidency that this amount be made infinite. As a man who has led the telecom revolution, can we deny him and family free phone calls ad infinitum or is it ad nauseum? My Greek is not that good as it used to be.
One private secretary in Grade 18, one security guard, one driver and one cook for life. I would triple that number. Surely the prime minister intends to transplant his famous rose garden which enchanted Angelina Jolie so much that she clutched his hand and said, 'Oh prime minister, Oh prime minister,' and fell into a swoon. How is one gardener going to look after ten thousand roses? Free medical aid for life here, abroad and in the hereafter for self, wife and children. Missing is the retainers, extended family and close friends -- another example of how the PM does not wish to burden the national exchequer in any way at all.
Free official residence at the flat rate of just Rs.50,000 per month for life and if not occupied to be maintained by the government. Another modest request. What a selfless man! Why Rs.50,000 only I ask the drafters? My driver pays Rs. 8,000 for one room and is one supposed to accept that all this nation can fork out is just Rs. 50,000? I think we should all be ashamed of ourselves. Raise this fee to 50,000 US Dollars, a currency that the PM is more at home with and you have my vote. Dr Sher Afgan Niazi. Dr. Lion has been tirelessly campaigning for the prime minister's perks. A round of applause please. (clapping & wolf whistles).
Free electricity, gas etc for life. I wouldn't even mention it. Trivial sum of money. Just think of the bills the PM ran up ordering his Armani suits just so that he could preside over ECC meetings where great decisions were taken for oil exploration and power generation. Will we now deny him free utilities till the cows come home? I hope not. Please Mr President, have a heart and spare our feelings. We have never had a prime minister like Mr. Aziz. Rs. 100,000 for movement of household goods. Done. Even if they move from one room to the next, Mr Aziz should be able to collect Rs. 100,000 as he passes 'GO.' Peanuts as far as most of us are concerned and not worth a second thought. One car duty and tax free and Rs.20,000 per month or higher given that nothing stays down, for life.
I think this is not even fit for debate. It should have been passed as easy as water and if our formers are not going to be given duty free limos, how do we expect them to cope with motion sickness in say a Corolla or heaven forbid, a Civic. Personally, I would add a sports car as we go. I hear that the Porsche is quite something as any MNA will testify provided you are able to explain to him what testify means. Don't want the man to get wrong ideas. Special security for the PM and family. Of course. Pension at 80 per cent of his current salary. No problemo. Since the PM draws only one rupee per month, I guess that makes it 80 paisa if my French is right. I see no problem with that. Do you?
I only wish to add that half of all this goes to Dr. Afgan, a one month bonus to all the principled officers and staff at the ministry of parliamentary affairs, ministry of law and justice and all those who have crusaded for this noble cause. Since time is short, we must make this happen. The NWFP CM had his perks sanctioned by himself on his last day in office. That's what I call a sharp shooter. Oh and could we please order a Harrier Jet for the PM, that vertical take-off bird. Park it in the rose garden I say and keep the engines running.
Over the top
The writer is a Lahore-based columnist and a well-known journalist. Email: [email protected]
