Like It or Unfriend It

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Like It or Unfriend It

AMERICA and Indigenous Peoples are now friends.

Christopher Columbus wrote on America’s wall: “This IS India, right?”

America has joined the New World network.

America is no longer friends with Indigenous Peoples.

The Pilgrims wrote on America’s wall: “Thanks for the add!”

America added tobacco, fur and hardship to Interests.

America invited Boston to an event: “Party THURSDAY! B.Y.O.T!”

America added Great Britain to Kingdoms I Am Fighting With.

America has joined the United States of America network.

Ben Franklin tagged America in a note: “Here’s hoping that people in the future refer to this new document whenever they want to justify anything!”

Eli Whitney invented a cotton gin for America’s Plantationville.

Plantation owners like this.

African-Americans dislike this.

America added Louisiana to Territories I Have Purchased.

America added “The Star-Spangled Banner” to Favorite Music.

America sent American Indians a gift: “Oklahoma!” (original cast recording).

America listed gold to the Marketplace.

The South has left the United States of America network.

Abraham Lincoln posted on the South’s wall: “Can’t we all just get along?”

John Wilkes Booth is Maybe Attending “‘Our American Cousin’ at Ford’s Theater”: “Anyone have an extra ticket?!”

The South changed privacy setting to accept carpetbaggers.

America and Josef Goldberg, Colin O’Boylan, Giuseppe Moretti and five million other huddled masses are now friends.

America asked a question: “Who is Archduke Franz Ferdinand, exactly?”

America added Half the World to Countries I Think I Am Fighting With.

America added an event: “Party all decade long! B.Y.O. Milk!”

100,000,000 people Not Attending.

America added flappers, jazz, and overspeculation to Interests.

America is feeling depressed.

Soviet Union likes this.

F.D.R. posted a Deal: “New.”

America added dust, grape-picking and quasi-socialism to Interests.

Japan tagged America in a photo: “Surprise!”

America was ranked No. 1 by its friends for “Most Superpowerful.”

America added the Korean DMZ to Demarcations I Will Not Cross.

America added babies, Chevys and suburban conformity to Interests.

America created the Military-Industrial Complex group.

Soviet Union poked America in Cuba.

America poked Soviet Union in Cuba.

Abraham Zapruder uploaded a video.

African-Americans changed their status with America to “It’s Complicated.”

America added an event: “Draft Party!”

Half a million lower-income people Attending.

America took a quiz: “What kind of flag burner are you?”

America added turning on, tuning in and dropping out to Interests.

America took a quiz: “What kind of bra burner are you?”

Richard Nixon made a peace emoticon on chat.

America is feeling malaise.

America posted a note “25 Random Things About Me”: “1. Sometimes when I wait in line for gas, I siphon the tank from the car in front of me. 2. When I see the people in my carpool, my mood ring turns purple. 3. I have a hugely inflated sense of self-worth... .”

America added pastels, cocaine and mutually assured destruction to Interests.

Ronald Reagan created a page: “People Who Like Trickle-Down Economics.”

Half a million upper-income people like this.

America and Osama bin Laden are now friends.

Ronald Reagan wrote graffiti on East Germany’s wall: “Tear this down.”

America SuperPoked! Soviet Union.

America was ranked No. 1 by its friends for “Most Coca-Cola/Levi’s/Michael Jordan/Awesome Cool Hollywood!”

America sent O. J. Simpson a gift: Isotoner gloves.

America sent Monica Lewinsky a gift: Gap dress.

America took a quiz: “What kind of pirated-MP3-burner are you?”

America received 270 electoral requests from George W. Bush.

50.27 percent of America is no longer friends with Florida.

George W. Bush and five people on the Supreme Court are now friends.

America is no longer friends with Osama bin Laden.

America played the game Wild-Goose Chase While Nation-Building.

America added Iraq to Countries I Am Fighting With Alongside Poland.

America posted zero W.M.D. to Marketplace.

America received four trillion easy credits.

America added flat-screen TVs, broadband pornography and overspeculation to Interests.

America changed its status with African-Americans to “Everything’s O.K. Now, Right?”

African-Americans changed their status with America to “No, It’s Still Complicated.”

America is feeling recessed.

America wrote on the globe’s wall: “Are you sort of warm, too, or is it just us?”

America posted a link to its Read-for-Free App: “Newspapers, Magazines, Books Dying.”

It is Barack Obama’s birthday today.

Donald Trump suggested Barack Obama rejoin the Kenya network.

America stopped playing the game Wild-Goose Chase While Nation-Building.

America was ranked No. 1 by its friends for “Most Post-Empire.”

America received no new friend requests.

America has joined the China network.

Teddy Wayne is the author of the novel “Kapitoil.” Mike Sacks is on the editorial staff of Vanity Fair and is the author, most recently, of “Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason.” Thomas Ng is a designer.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/04/opinion/04wayne.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss