Coming south in search of a bride

[Rajaraja Chola]

It's due to lack of options back in the home state, had it been voluntarily I would also welcomed it. It's the ugly reality we Haryanvis have to accept.

When you are coming to Kerala

 

[ranjeet]

When you are coming to Kerala

Got convicted earlier this year, won't be coming to anywhere anytime now.

 

[Rajaraja Chola]

Got convicted earlier this year, won't be coming to anywhere anytime now.

Life Imprisonment...!!! Chalo. Gar ka kaam karo...

 

[livingdead]

Got convicted earlier this year, won't be coming to anywhere anytime now.

rape or engagement?

 

[ranjeet]

rape or engagement?

You want to bail me out ?

 

[GURU DUTT]

so now those jats who ince made fun of rice eaters will be eating rice with mallu style gravies instead of roti with saag and chachh

 

[SrNair]

its not easy to find a good looking girl in south... although they are more homely...

Because you didnt see the entire southern region .
Some regions ,you know some regions in our state and other south Indian states .something that you dont know

Even if they had to serch for girls in other states they will still prefer baby boy over baby girl.

Exactly and other state brides also faced that .

 

[DESERT FIGHTER]

its not easy to find a good looking girl in south... although they are more homely...

What do you mean?

 

[SrNair]

It's due to lack of options back in the home state, had it been voluntarily I would also welcomed it. It's the ugly reality we Haryanvis have to accept.

Their old guys still are not ready to stop this brutality

I did?
I am not sure i started a thread but i remember having a discussion about it.....with you.
Its usually mallus versus Jaats on PDF.

I also searched for some before I posted but didnt see anything.
You should watch that documentary .Some married rich guys and living well but some others are in worse condition .
The Malayali reporter also faced same question when he travelled rural region in Haryana whether she is married or not ?
Situations are just too bad but even that ,this southern brides also faced same problems that ethnic jaat girl facing in Haryana .Still they dont want girl child.

 

[liall]

Northerners should stick with Northerners. Marrying a southerner is bound to end in tragedy. Ricken Stark got involved with the South Marriage arrangements, and look at the starks now. Didn't go to well for him did it?

It is not game of thrones But it is doing good to us. Open minded women from south are changing the conservative north

 

[takeiteasy]

Thiyyas and Ezhava castes are marrying off their girls to these Jats. I remember reading about such marriages back in the '80s itself. The women, some of them later told Malayali reporters, they're not really living the life as the wives of their husbands. Horrible scenario. People should know that South Indian culture is moderate and mellow (except Tamils) and they aren't aware of Tribal societies up north. The inter state marriages are basically disaster for Malabari Muslims also who marry off to Mysore and many devastated with the results.

There isn't no equivalent to Jats, Gujjars in south. May be Thevars, Bunts/Shettys can be the maximum in nuisance value.

 

[Levina]

Still they dont want girl child.

I dont blame them.
I mean look at it this way,
In the family of a poor man, with hand to mouth existence, if a girl child is born, then he will have to look after her for atleast 18years, invest in her studies and finally when she gets married he will have to give all his savings as dowry. It doesn't end there, girl's family is supposed to look after the guy's family years after the marriage...in many cases throughout the life.
To him, girl child is a bad investment.
Oh! i forget to mention that to continue one's heredity,one's must produce a boy child or so it is believed in India.
Just curious...doesnt the girl child inherit the same DNA as her parents? then why the bias?
I dont blame the families, i blame the society as a whole.
Its high time we did some introspection.

 

[SrNair]

I dont blame them.
I mean look at it this way,
In the family of a poor man, with hand to mouth existence, if a girl child is born, then he will have to look after her for atleast 18years, invest in her studies and finally when she gets married he will have to give all his savings as dowry. It doesn't end there, girl's family is supposed to look after the guy's family years after the marriage...in many cases throughout the life.
To him, girl child is a bad investment.
Oh! i forget to mention that to continue one's heredity,one's must produce a boy child or so it is believed in India.
Just curious...doesnt the girl child inherit the same DNA as her parents? then why the bias?
I dont blame the families, i blame the society as a whole.
Its high time we did some introspection.

Totally agree .I have seen some cases in our society also .
But you dont have to kill girl child like that .If they dont want girls why should they look for womens from outside states ?
I would say they should learn a lesson .They dont deserve a mother ,sister or a daughter .

Indian society is so diversified and in some other cases they have some uniqueness and same approach ,attitude.
Treatment of their own Females through a conservative mindest is one .It ranges from moderate to extreme level.

Thiyyas and Ezhava castes are marrying off their girls to these Jats. I remember reading about such marriages back in the '80s itself. The women, some of them later told Malayali reporters, they're not really living the life as the wives of their husbands. Horrible scenario. People should know that South Indian culture is moderate and mellow (except Tamils) and they aren't aware of Tribal societies up north. The inter state marriages are basically disaster for Malabari Muslims also who marry off to Mysore and many devastated with the results.

There isn't no equivalent to Jats, Gujjars in south. May be Thevars, Bunts/Shettys can be the maximum in nuisance value.

Caste no bar, but only in inter-state matches
April 12, 2016, 10:38 AM IST Pratiksha Ramkumar in Tracking Indian Communities | Dravidian, India,Roots & Wings | TOI
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Where sex ratio in Tamil Nadu is skewed, women from Kerala in demand

The recent murder of Dalit youth V Sankar for marrying Kowsalya, belonging to the Thevar community, has been described as an honour killing that purports to avenge the dishonour he had brought on the girl’s parents. But with the skewed gender ratio forcing upper caste men, especially the less educated and prosperous ones, to look beyond the confines of their caste, honour comes into play in a different manner. Some of these upper caste men do make that leap and look for brides beyond their own caste -but in Kerala. The reasoning is that in Tamil society a Kerala bride is a generic Malayali woman -not from this or that caste.And they tend to be more fair-skinned too -a major deterrent against gossip about the bride’s caste status, says Trichy-based marriage broker Bhanumathi Krishnaswamy .It was this reason that made 33-year-old Sharath Ram*, a Brahmin truck driver in Salem, go to Calicut after a decade-long search for a partner turned futile. But it was no traditional match. Ram’s family approached and paid a broker in Kerala Rs 1.5 lakh to find him a 26-year-old bride.


Salem’s ratio of 954 females for every 1,000 males, according to the 2011 census, may not look as bad as in states like Punjab and Haryana where the numbers of women are down to 877, but sex selective abortions and female infanticide have left a shadow. It might be recalled that Salem’s sex ratio in 2001, around the time Ram’s family began bride hunting for him, was 929 females to every 1,000 males. “As it is, the number of girls in the community are fewer, and boys like my son from our Brahmin community who have studied only up to Class 9 have no chance of finding a girl,” said Ram’s mother who was only too happy to welcome her daughter-in-law from Calicut who had studied up to Class 10.





Marriage brokers say the mismatch between boys and girls in the marriageable age is the worst among higher castes like the Brahmin and Kongu Vellalar communities.



“Among Brahmins, in some subsects, it is as bad as 10 females to 100 males. Though initially they insist on a girl from the community, after a few years when the man in his 30s with a low-income job, they are open to girls from other states,” said Bhanumathi Krishnaswamy .



The problem of finding a bride has become worse over the past decade because more women are educated and independent and want a match who earns better and is at least as educated as they are, observes Bhanumathi.



K Mathu, another marriage broker in Kottayam, said for the past 18 months or so he has been getting plenty of requests from Tamil Nadu.“Every month I have been getting at least 50 to 60 proposals of men from higher castes in Tamil Nadu who are educated with a basic degree or an MBA looking for a bride in Kerala,” he said. In most cases, if the bride from Kerala has been sourced through a broker, the wedding takes place in Tamil Nadu and all wedding expenses are borne by the groom’s family. For many of the families of the girls in Kerala, it is a way out of poverty. “It is only the girls whose parents are economically backward or when they have crossed ‘marriageable age’ that they opt for grooms outside the state,” said social studies experts.



But another professor at the Thiruvananthapuram-based Centre for Development Studies, S Irudaya Rajan, who did a study on Kerala brides going to Haryana, said “most of the families who give away their brides are not very poor. Most have a house of their own and the girl has at least high school education,” he said. “It is more because families and even the women themselves feel life without marriage is incomplete,” he added.



While treatment of Kerala brides in Tamil Nadu is a lot better than in north Indian states, there is no denying that the marriage is more of a business deal. “We heard the girl’s parents and siblings don’t take part in the wedding, or afterwards,” said a Erode-based financier’s mother, Sasikala Devi*, who is looking for a daughter-in-law.

(*Names changed on request to protect their identity)

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatime...caste-no-bar-but-only-in-inter-state-matches/

 

[Rajaraja Chola]

Totally agree .I have seen some cases in our society also .
But you dont have to kill girl child like that .If they dont want girls why should they look for womens from outside states ?
I would say they should learn a lesson .They dont deserve a mother ,sister or a daughter .

Indian society is so diversified and in some other cases they have some uniqueness and same approach ,attitude.
Treatment of their own Females through a conservative mindest is one .It ranges from moderate to extreme level.




Caste no bar, but only in inter-state matches
April 12, 2016, 10:38 AM IST Pratiksha Ramkumar in Tracking Indian Communities | Dravidian, India,Roots & Wings | TOI
8

0
0
Where sex ratio in Tamil Nadu is skewed, women from Kerala in demand

The recent murder of Dalit youth V Sankar for marrying Kowsalya, belonging to the Thevar community, has been described as an honour killing that purports to avenge the dishonour he had brought on the girl’s parents. But with the skewed gender ratio forcing upper caste men, especially the less educated and prosperous ones, to look beyond the confines of their caste, honour comes into play in a different manner. Some of these upper caste men do make that leap and look for brides beyond their own caste -but in Kerala. The reasoning is that in Tamil society a Kerala bride is a generic Malayali woman -not from this or that caste.And they tend to be more fair-skinned too -a major deterrent against gossip about the bride’s caste status, says Trichy-based marriage broker Bhanumathi Krishnaswamy .It was this reason that made 33-year-old Sharath Ram*, a Brahmin truck driver in Salem, go to Calicut after a decade-long search for a partner turned futile. But it was no traditional match. Ram’s family approached and paid a broker in Kerala Rs 1.5 lakh to find him a 26-year-old bride.


Salem’s ratio of 954 females for every 1,000 males, according to the 2011 census, may not look as bad as in states like Punjab and Haryana where the numbers of women are down to 877, but sex selective abortions and female infanticide have left a shadow. It might be recalled that Salem’s sex ratio in 2001, around the time Ram’s family began bride hunting for him, was 929 females to every 1,000 males. “As it is, the number of girls in the community are fewer, and boys like my son from our Brahmin community who have studied only up to Class 9 have no chance of finding a girl,” said Ram’s mother who was only too happy to welcome her daughter-in-law from Calicut who had studied up to Class 10.





Marriage brokers say the mismatch between boys and girls in the marriageable age is the worst among higher castes like the Brahmin and Kongu Vellalar communities.



“Among Brahmins, in some subsects, it is as bad as 10 females to 100 males. Though initially they insist on a girl from the community, after a few years when the man in his 30s with a low-income job, they are open to girls from other states,” said Bhanumathi Krishnaswamy .



The problem of finding a bride has become worse over the past decade because more women are educated and independent and want a match who earns better and is at least as educated as they are, observes Bhanumathi.



K Mathu, another marriage broker in Kottayam, said for the past 18 months or so he has been getting plenty of requests from Tamil Nadu.“Every month I have been getting at least 50 to 60 proposals of men from higher castes in Tamil Nadu who are educated with a basic degree or an MBA looking for a bride in Kerala,” he said. In most cases, if the bride from Kerala has been sourced through a broker, the wedding takes place in Tamil Nadu and all wedding expenses are borne by the groom’s family. For many of the families of the girls in Kerala, it is a way out of poverty. “It is only the girls whose parents are economically backward or when they have crossed ‘marriageable age’ that they opt for grooms outside the state,” said social studies experts.



But another professor at the Thiruvananthapuram-based Centre for Development Studies, S Irudaya Rajan, who did a study on Kerala brides going to Haryana, said “most of the families who give away their brides are not very poor. Most have a house of their own and the girl has at least high school education,” he said. “It is more because families and even the women themselves feel life without marriage is incomplete,” he added.



While treatment of Kerala brides in Tamil Nadu is a lot better than in north Indian states, there is no denying that the marriage is more of a business deal. “We heard the girl’s parents and siblings don’t take part in the wedding, or afterwards,” said a Erode-based financier’s mother, Sasikala Devi*, who is looking for a daughter-in-law.

(*Names changed on request to protect their identity)

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatime...caste-no-bar-but-only-in-inter-state-matches/

Actually sex ratio is increasing better in TN, but it will take 15 years to reflect in the society. In the last 3-4 years, all my relatives, friends, known people etc had only girl childs.. Saw only one or two with boy kids.. I was like astonished.. Lots of girl kids around, and more importantly they are more loved than their mothers were loved by their parents.. Good days ahead for girls kids atleast in Southern states.

 

[Levina]

But you dont have to kill girl child like that .

If you're talking about abortions then let me remind you they kill 2 month old fetus, something which they cant see and are not attached to. So i guess there's no guilt conscious.