Bully in the next bedroom - are we in denial about sibling aggression?

[livingdead]

Siblings routinely pick on one another, but when does bickering become bullying - and what can parents do about it?

Sibling relationships can be difficult, and never more so than in childhood. But society often regards the scrapping and squabbling, the play fighting and not-so-playful fighting as a normal part of growing up.
"The public brushes off aggression between siblings as just rivalry," says Corinna Tucker of the University of New Hampshire.

Tucker is the lead author of a new study on the issue for the journal Pediatrics. Almost a third of the 3,600 children questioned said they had been the victim of some sort of sibling aggression in the past 12 months. The included a range of acts from theft and psychological abuse to physical assault, either mild or severe. In comparison, research suggests that up to a quarter of children are victims of schoolyard aggression every year.

Corinna Tucker uses the term "sibling aggression" in her study, but psychologists are increasingly reaching for a familiar label for the bad stuff that goes on between brothers and sisters - bullying. This is defined by experts as intentional acts of aggression, repeated over a period of time, where an individual or group is in a position of power over someone.

So sibling relationships would seem the perfect breeding ground for bullying, since children live together for a long period of time and there is usually an intellectual and physical power imbalance. Although there might not be an outright malevolence, there is often reason for jealousy.

"A sibling relationship is emotionally intense - it's one of those relationships where you can love them and you can hate them at the same time," says Tucker. "And siblings are natural competitors for family resources and parents' attention."

Laura - who grew up in a house she shared with four siblings and a foster brother - did not consider it bullying at the time, but now thinks the term captures what went on in their house in Ohio.

"My older brother - I would say he beat up on all of us," she says, her voice breaking. Although he never hurt them badly, he liked to wrestle his sisters, pinning them to the floor. "He was bigger and stronger than us - he could put us in very powerless situations. It was really scary."

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BBC News - Bully in the next bedroom - are we in denial about sibling aggression?

from real calls to childline..

"I'm so scared of my brother. He pushes me, shouts at me and sometimes even hits me. Whenever I argue with my mum, he will just gang up on me and make me feel so tiny." Girl, aged 12-15

"My sister is so mean to me. She tells me I'm stupid and makes up all these horrible things about me. Mum and Dad don't do anything to stop it. I cry almost every night and am so angry with everyone. Sometimes I want to disappear." Boy, aged 11 or younger

"My sister has been picking on me for years now and it makes me feel so bad about myself. She calls me fat and ugly and tells me I don't deserve to have friends." Girl, aged 12-15