ajtr
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An Eid Without my Daughter
Mine is a story of many other women, who alone struggle to keep their marriages from falling apart for less sentimental reasons than a secure social life and a fear of losing kids to the father.
Im one such woman, who after having gone through years of domestic violence that include more than a couple of punches, quite a bit of dragging, recurrent threat of divorce (1 divorce at hand already) and an ultimate nightmare for any mother; her kids taken away from her.
My seven years of marriage has earned me few seasons of happiness and three little girls. To many, I may quite appear to be a breeding machine; to me it was just a quest for a boy to pacify my husbands brutality. I dont say my husband is a jungle man, Id rather say that he insists on being one. My husband is a victim of a predominant patriarchal mindset. Where he puts in a lot of effort to earn us a decent living, my daughters the best education, he makes sure to vent out his frustration on his wife- the sole culprit in this situation, who could not give him as much as a son. To modernists, it would seem like a cavemans ideology, the irony is, this one still defines the mindset of more than 90% of how our Pakistani men think like.
This time, after being a passive participant in the wrestling ring, he tried to please me by dropping me at my home in Karachi (My husband and I live in Lahore). Contrary to his expectations, I still had some traces of self-respect left somewhere. I told my parents of what I suffered, that led the two parties to have sessions marked with unpleasantness. However, we were still on nice talking terms, until three weeks back he took my eldest one out for a walk and escaped to Lahore. The most horrible of my nightmares came to life.
Pregnant with his fourth child, I went worst- trying to talk to him, calling for mediations but No. All he asks for, is me to take all my kids, catch a train and come back to Lahore to him, and shun all contacts with my family for life.
Still reeling from the shocks of his breach of trust and several hurtful memory trips to past, I didnt consider it very much a wise option to opt for. Tried lawyers, ran after NGOs, yet all I got is that for a woman with a weak family backing and no money in the wallet, justice is not what I can ever get. My destiny, after 3 girls and one in line, is to go back to my husband and be his punch bag for the rest of my life. Not that I dont want us to live like a family again, all I ask for is some show of respect and regret after all Ive suffered. But Ive lost all my remaining self-respect and dignity after losing my baby and the threat to lose the other two as well..
While everyone around me is busy with Eid preparations, Ive nothing left to celebrate. My younger daughter thinks her sisters gone to somewhere she might never return from. She keeps making her those innocent calls on her toy-phone telling her she misses her. My question is to those law agencies and NGOs who work for the protection of womens rights, why they never showed up to rescue mine. And to everyone around my girl, on why their humanity never stirs up seeing my daughter without her mother. How many Eids will I have to pass without her, how many more days or months..who knows..
Mine is a story of many other women, who alone struggle to keep their marriages from falling apart for less sentimental reasons than a secure social life and a fear of losing kids to the father.
Im one such woman, who after having gone through years of domestic violence that include more than a couple of punches, quite a bit of dragging, recurrent threat of divorce (1 divorce at hand already) and an ultimate nightmare for any mother; her kids taken away from her.
My seven years of marriage has earned me few seasons of happiness and three little girls. To many, I may quite appear to be a breeding machine; to me it was just a quest for a boy to pacify my husbands brutality. I dont say my husband is a jungle man, Id rather say that he insists on being one. My husband is a victim of a predominant patriarchal mindset. Where he puts in a lot of effort to earn us a decent living, my daughters the best education, he makes sure to vent out his frustration on his wife- the sole culprit in this situation, who could not give him as much as a son. To modernists, it would seem like a cavemans ideology, the irony is, this one still defines the mindset of more than 90% of how our Pakistani men think like.
This time, after being a passive participant in the wrestling ring, he tried to please me by dropping me at my home in Karachi (My husband and I live in Lahore). Contrary to his expectations, I still had some traces of self-respect left somewhere. I told my parents of what I suffered, that led the two parties to have sessions marked with unpleasantness. However, we were still on nice talking terms, until three weeks back he took my eldest one out for a walk and escaped to Lahore. The most horrible of my nightmares came to life.
Pregnant with his fourth child, I went worst- trying to talk to him, calling for mediations but No. All he asks for, is me to take all my kids, catch a train and come back to Lahore to him, and shun all contacts with my family for life.
Still reeling from the shocks of his breach of trust and several hurtful memory trips to past, I didnt consider it very much a wise option to opt for. Tried lawyers, ran after NGOs, yet all I got is that for a woman with a weak family backing and no money in the wallet, justice is not what I can ever get. My destiny, after 3 girls and one in line, is to go back to my husband and be his punch bag for the rest of my life. Not that I dont want us to live like a family again, all I ask for is some show of respect and regret after all Ive suffered. But Ive lost all my remaining self-respect and dignity after losing my baby and the threat to lose the other two as well..
While everyone around me is busy with Eid preparations, Ive nothing left to celebrate. My younger daughter thinks her sisters gone to somewhere she might never return from. She keeps making her those innocent calls on her toy-phone telling her she misses her. My question is to those law agencies and NGOs who work for the protection of womens rights, why they never showed up to rescue mine. And to everyone around my girl, on why their humanity never stirs up seeing my daughter without her mother. How many Eids will I have to pass without her, how many more days or months..who knows..
