I doubt you guys will read this, but here I go anyways...
Ok sooooo.... here i goooo...
I was a normal American boy before Pakistan. Life went great, no worries, no fear. I was a happy person and a pretty funny one too. =) But... one day I moved to Pakistan...
I had just spent 2 years of my beginning teenage life in Pakistan. Pakistan made me terrified of actually going up to a girl and talking to her since I went to an all-boys school. Two years of not talking to any normal girl in my mother tongue which is English really screwed me up. When I came back to the United States, 2 years later, I was confused. I was awkward. I was scared. I was VERY shy. I knew what was heading for me, but I was afraid of changes and afraid of being alone.
I was starting my sophomore year of High School and I didn't have any friends or anyone around to talk to since I was new to New Jersey. [I lived in Virginia before I moved to Pakistan.] So I sat silent to myself most of the day. I started making some friends, yet I was still the same shy person. I made more and more friends, we started hanging out, playing sports, etc.
My shyness was beginning to wear off. I wasn't afraid of anyone anymore, but I was afraid of the pretty girls who thought I was really cute, but really 'silent' as I heard them tell each other.
I moved on until one day, my mind blew out of my head when I saw this girl, Jasmeen Dhillon who sat on the lunch table next to ours. I had no control over myself. I had no idea what the hell I was thinking, but I think I was in love with her. WHAT THE HELL YO? I didn't ever say a word to her and I was in LOVE WITH HER? I thought something was wrong with me, but I couldn't get her out of my head. She just refused to get out of my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I was infatuated with her.
I tried my best to forget. Played soccer, videogames, internet, anything i could do to forget about her, but she kept on coming back.
One day, my friends at my lunch table, who were cheerleaders, found out about my 'love' for her. They asked me why I wouldnt talk to her. I told them that I was scared. They thought that i was nuts for not talking to her. A month later, one of them, Melissa, got up and went to Jasmeen's table. She told them everything. I was terrified. I was forced into the position I had always dreaded.
They told me to go confront her, or this fear will never get off my chest.
I decided, that after what happened, I had to confront Jasmeen and explain to her what happened. It took me 3 days to build up the courage to confront her. At the end of the school day, I finally did it.
We talked for 15 minutes and I explained to her a LIE. She believed the lie. But I didn't. I asked her for her name [I already knew lol] and she asked for mine and we left.
I have seen some pretty crazy **** in my life, but these 15 minutes almost gave me a heart attack.. lol..
I wasn't satisfied and I was ashamed that I lied. I wasn't a lier. That pain on my chest that I was struggling to free from, grew bigger. I was in some deep ****.
Another friend from Spanish class wanted to know what happened, so I told him what happened because I knew I could trust him. Turns out, a Senior girl in the class was listening to our conversation.... She comes up to me and starts 'silent-yelling' at me. She reminded me about what I learned earlier... " If you don't go for it, it will torture you for a long *** time." She said a lot of other stuff to motivate me and it worked..
The next morning I catch up to Jasmeen and I ask her, "What would you say if i told you that I really did like you?"... She said 'i dunno' and I asked her again...
She didn't say anything and walked away!!! LIKE WTF?? THATS PROBABLY THE WORST THING A GIRL COULD DO! I caught up to her and asked her one final time. She said "Sorry, but I already have a boyfriend."
I was shocked and frozen... but I turned and walked away. I learned my lesson, 'if you like a girl, get some background information, then go for it.' You can't just go up to a girl you barely know and ask her if she likes you. I was stupid and confused and didn't know what to do. I was desperate of getting that 'thing' off my chest.
So, I get home and I was sad, but happy at the same time. I was finally free of her, but that 'spot' on my chest still ached. It took two weeks to go away....
3 weeks later, I meet a new girl from Pakistan, Asima. We met in the debate club after we paired up for partners.. she was just like me when I came from Pakistan. Shy, scared, and a little awkward. But we ended up talking. We talked and talked and talked for hours about Pakistan. Turns out, our houses in Pakistan were a couple streets away from each other LOL!
We both quit the debate club, because we never accomplished anything. I didn't tell her about Jasmeen because I was still in the stages of getting her traces out of me. So we talked and flirted and talked some more. I was totally comfortable with her and so was she with me. Eventually, we wen't on a date. She never wen't on a date before, so I told her it's ok. After a couple of tries, she says YES!!!! I WAS IN THE ZONE LOL.
Me and Asima have been dating for months. Our parent's don't know to this day, but eventually we plan on telling them.
Morals of the Story:
You can't have everything.
If there is something on your chest, you better take it off before it consumes the living fcuk out of you.
Sometimes, some things are never meant to be true and you can't make them true either.
Destiny is destiny and you can't change it.
