Why Wouldn’t I get Married?

[Hyperion]

Why think so much about the nitty gritty of rules, why not just live life? Real life is not that complicated!

Whatever happens along the way, was kismet...

 

[Zarvan]

Why think so much about the nitty gritty of rules, why not just live life? Real life is not that complicated!

Whatever happens along the way, was kismet...

Mr as Muslims we have to live life according to orders of ALLAH and his PROPHET SAW not of our own choice

 

[Mav3rick]

Why think so much about the nitty gritty of rules, why not just live life? Real life is not that complicated!

Whatever happens along the way, was kismet...

Just a few days ago somebody told me that if Kismet had the final say then God would never have taught man to pray and to hope

 

[Hyperion]

Mr as Muslims we have to live life according to orders of ALLAH and his PROPHET SAW not of our own choice

Whatever, buddy! Crawl back under whatever rock you popped out from. Keep your puritanical views to yourself. Pakistan is a multi ethnical society, with no room for rigid interpretation of anything.

Dude, don't get me wrong, your kind F.O.B from Saudi, kills for religion. I'll do it for just the pleasure of disinfecting Pakistan from vermin such as yourself. Scat now!

 

[Dubious]

Perhaps our society has matured in this manner. Another example is multiple marriage which is not frowned upon in the Arab world, however in Pakistan no wife would even consider the possibility that the thought of a second wife may have inadvertently crossed some negligible section of her husband's inconclusive imagination or thinking!

Do you actually think it crosses an Arab's mind? Nope women are same...they would not share their husbands or attention! Its just the way a woman in Arabia is thought to be the slave of her husband while others take it culturally...
But, yes at least in MOST cases the consent of the 1st wife is taken. Besides to marry an Arab women is expensive! People usually have more than one as a show of their wealth...I have yet to see a 2nd wife OLDER than the 1st wife or a widower or a divorcee...
An Arab woman knows MOST of her rights...One of the 1st things she is thought is about her HAQ mahar! She usually demands unreasonably because it is her right...In EAST, If you bring forward haq mahar, they say you are greedy though it is the woman's HAQ! And many families follow old traditions that a certain fixed amount is to be present be it only 100 Rs!

 

[Hyperion]

Just a few days ago somebody told me that if Kismet had the final say then God would never have taught man to pray and to hope

It's not just kismet, though I rather not debate that any further!

 

[Dubious]

Sir yes she raises children but she has to obey her husband decisions same thing stand but if she disagrees with something prove them through faulty from Quran and Sunnah and if they are according to Quran and Sunnah what the hell is the problem with Quran and Sunnah ?

When you put it that way, I seriously have a hard time thinking if you even THINK!

NO man will say go kill my wife! I am talking about difference between dictatorship and leader! And you are going on and on about how the husband is the head! He is the head BUT NOT A DICTATOR! He can not FORCE her THAT is against Islam...He is to LEAD her...Learn the differences between the two! A good leader can do without force and idiot can not do without force!

 

[Dubious]

I love my family for ever (Insha-Allah)
Within a family, role of its head is very important as the entire responsibility of family management rests on him, particularly at the stage when children are in their tender age. He has to protect himself as well as his family members from all kinds of troubles and difficulties. He has to arrange for their basic needs health, care, and educational requirements. The head of the family has to be very carefully while taking decisions in these matters. A wrong decision taken by the head of the family can become the cause of great damage to the entire family. He shall, therefore, prevent himself and his family from the disastrous consequences of choosing a wrong path (66:6). He has to see that his family is engaged in productive activity as well as constructive work. This is possible through correct and farsighted planning and its effective implementation.

HUSBAND-WIFE RELATIONSHIP

Husband and wife, particularly as father and mother, are the two significant pillars upon whom the entire edifice of the family rests. It is, therefore essential that their relationship should be cordial as well as harmonious to achieve happiness and prosperity of the family so that the home may serve as model for others in the society. Such relationship creates an impact on younger members particularly the children. From the beginning itself the relationship between these two life partners should be cordial if not ideal.

The main object of married life is that the husband and wife live together honourably and harmoniously in love and affection, and thereby make home a place of peace and an abode of rest and pleasure — a heaven on earth. It will serve as a model for others to follow (25:74). This kind of relationship will provide opportunity to both the spouses to make use of their potential and allow their capabilities to grow and develop (30:21). Both should respect and be complementary to each other. The relationship between the two should be most intimate. The Quran has so beautifully described the type of their homogeneity when it says that husband and wife are garments for each other (2:187).

It has been often reminded that treatment given to wife by her husband should not be harsh in order to appropriate a part of her dower unless she is found guilty of open indecency, the matter will of course be decided by the appropriate authority. When something from the side of the wife is disliked, one should not get annoyed over immediately or diced at once to get separated from her. It is quite possible that such thing may bring about abundant good for the husband (4:19).

NIKAH (Marriage)

Man and woman agree together to lead married life and this agreement is called nikah (marriage), and the two parties accept the responsibilities and obligations and thus live together as husband and wife. For nikah it is necessary that both man and woman have attained the age of puberty-the age of full bloom and strength (4:6, 40:67). Nikah is not possible without mutual consent of both the parties in the presence of at least two witnesses, one from the side of the man and the other from the side of woman. (Man and woman have free choice to marry each other (4:3, 19) Men have been forbidden to marry women against their will, they cannot marry without obtaining consent of women and thus become their masters instead of companion. (4:19) The criterion for selection of spouse should be the unanimity of ideology and faith in Islam, and this is the reason why a momin (Believer-man) is forbidden to marry a mushrika (Unbeliever-woman) vice versa, and thus to save home from becoming hell whereas Allah wants it to become heaven (2:221).

Nikah should be performed in a declared manner, and the relationship between the spouses should not be kept a secret. If it is performed secretly it is not legal. (4:25; 5:5) The Quran has not suggested any ceremony for nikah, nor it has mentioned about involvement of a (third) person to perform it. Since nikah is an agreement between two parties, government can formulate rules and regulations (marriage Act), and it has to be performed accordingly.

For those who are capable of getting married the society has to provide facilities for nikah. (24:32)

Those who could not get facilities to get married should keep themselves chaste by self-control till they get alliance. [(24:33)-VI, p.803] Prostitution is prohibited.

Married couple is forbidden from sexual Intercourse whenI) The women is not in normal physical condition i.e. during menses, and after this period they can have it as per the natural laws (2:222);

(ii) When either of them or both are observing fast (of course from dawn to dusk) (2:187); and

(iii) Even from dusk to dawn when one is in retreat in the mosque (for some assignment). (2:187)

Forbidden Women for Nikah

Certain women (relationships) are forbidden for nikah. They are:

(1) Yours mothers

(2) Your daughters

(3) Your sisters

(4) Your father’s sisters

(5) Your mother’s sisters

(6) Your brother’s daughters

(7) Your sister’s daughters

(8) Your foster mothers

(9) Your foster sisters

(10) Mothers of your wives

(11) Your stepdaughters, which have been brought up under your guardianship and are born of wives with whom you have had marital relations. If you have not had marital relations then the prohibition does not apply.

(12) Wives of your real sons.

(13) It is also prohibited to have in marriage two sisters at the same time.

Also forbidden to you in marriage are those women who are already married except those whom you already possess. (4:23,24)

A Muslim man should not marry a mushrika (Unbeliever woman) until she accepts Islam; likewise Muslim woman should not marry mushrik man until he accepts Islam. (2:221) A Muslim woman cannot marry a man from amongst the people who believe in the earlier scriptures (5:5)

Monogamy and Polygamy

It is a misunderstanding that Islam has permitted polygamy (to marry and keep four wives at a time). The fundamental principle is to have one wife at a time. The Quranic instructions that if one decides to marry another woman in place of his existing wife he has to divorce (as per the given procedure) and this itself clarifies that no one is allowed to have more than one wife at one time. (4:20) This should not lead to think that whenever a person wants to marry another woman in place of his existing wife, he might divorce her and go for another marriage (for sex enjoyment or for other reasons). Second marriage is not permitted until and unless differences between husband and wife have reached the climax, ending up by declaring talaq (divorce) and the wife is divorced

To have more than one wife, up to a maximum of four at a time has been permitted under extra-ordinary circumstances and for valid reasons. For example, as a result of war when a considerable number of women became widows including those of very young age, and large number of children become orphans, and when their economic, social, ethical, and sexual problems cannot be solved by any other satisfactory means, the Islamic State can allow an exception to the general rule of monogamy. Such an exemption has to fulfil two conditions viz. (I) such a person will have to do justice and give equal treatment to all his wives, and (ii) he should be economically sound enough to bear the burden of such a large family. Of course consent of the first wife in this matter is necessary. If anyone of these conditions is not fulfilled, permission to go for next marriage is not granted and one should stick to the rule of one wife (4:3); this is the only verse found in the Quran on this subject. Rather at another place the Quran says that despite his strong desire it would not be possible for a husband to be fair and just towards women (wives). One should not be inclined wholly to one wife leaving the other in a state of suspension, like one who remains neither divorced nor undivorced (4:129).

Mahr (Dower)

Mahr (dower) is that amount which is paid by the husband to his wife at the time of nikah (marriage) or agrees to pay afterwards. Mahr is the term in usage to express the payment, the Quran has not used this word, and instead it has used the word nehlah to clarify that this amount is not in lieu of anything else except a specific gift to wife and not remuneration (4:4). Its payment is compulsory. In this regard an example of honeybee has been quoted in the holy Quran so far as payment of mahr is concerned, when the honeybee expels honey it does not expect any return for it.

If the amount of mahr has not been fixed at the time of nikah the payment will be acceptable by mutual consent. Since the payment has to be made necessarily, it has to be fixed as per the husband’s capacity to pay it. Therefore, the amount could be anything, even a heap of gold (4:20). The mahr is generally paid at the time of nikah (marriage) itself. In case nikah has been performed but mahr has not been fixed, it can be fixed after the nikah (2:236). Mahr is the property of the woman (wife). She cannot be deprived of her right. If the woman (wife) so desire, she can forego the whole amount or a part of it (4:4, 4:24).

In case divorce has taken place after nikah, and the husband has not touched the woman (wife) and (I) if mahr has not been fixed, then the husband has to pay as much as he can so that the damage thus caused to the woman’s name could be made good to some extent. This kind of treatment is necessary because it exhibits its worth (2:236; 33:49); (ii) if the mahr was fixed but the man has not touched the woman (he has married) and divorce has taken place, then half of the value of mahr will be given to the woman unless she, by herself forgoes it or if the husband pays the entire mahr it is his righteous act (2:237).

Under a situation when the woman is found guilty of open lewdness (immorality) a portion of the mahr could be given to the husband (4:19).

In case the woman demands for divorce and if court feels it necessary, she has to forego a part of the mahr and get free from the marriage – the nikah (2:229)

Giving material goods as jahez (dowry) is merely a custom about which there is no mention in the Quran. Demand for such material goods or cash by the man is gross excess; the Quran has rather instructed men to give to the woman but not to take from her.

Tense Relationship

The object of nikah is to lead a purposeful, peaceful, and harmonious life. For this purpose selection of an alliance has to be done carefully and thoughtfully. Inspite of taking all-possible care in this matter, certain circumstances arise and result in tense relationship between husband and wife. This situation prevails temporarily and gets normalised by lapse of time. In other situation, a person in anger calls his wife as his ‘mother’ or talks some rubbish with her; this is called zihar. This is a kind of thoughtlessness in oaths, and when the anger subsides, he feels ashamed of it. Such calling does not make his wife the mother, and it is similar to that of calling a person as ‘son’, and this does not make him a natural son (33:4). Such an attitude towards wife is strongly condemned and punishment has been imposed for it that such a person, before touching his wife should free a slave (since slavery prevailed in the then Arab society). If he is not in position to do so, he should fast for two months consecutively, and if he is unable to observe fast the should feed sixty indigent (poor) persons before they touch each other (58:3-4).

In another case when a man has taken an oath for abstention from his wife that he well not conjugate with her, he is given four months (as waiting) for reconsideration to resume as this situation cannot remain permanently. During this period if they resume conjugation, they are permitted to do so. If their intention is firm to dissolve the marriage they can do so as per the provisions of the Divine Laws (2:226 -27 ‘ 4:35), The object is not to leave the woman at the mercy of man under any circumstances. And her rights are fully protected.

In connection with relationship between husband and wife (4:34), it is generally interpreted that the rank of man (husband) is higher than that of woman (wife), and men are rulers over women, An example of such an interpretation is: “As far those women who seem to have gone refractory, (first) admonish them (and then, if necessary) remove them to separate beds, and (if that fails) give them a shaking.” (4:34) In case if a situation arises when woman (wife) turns rebellious, this will not remain an individual problem but it will become a collective one; the matter of protection and upbringing of the children will get associated with this case. At this stage, the society or the State has to take steps giving them a chance to understand each other and rethink over the matter. If this approach fails, then their husbands will be asked to detach their sexual relations for sometime, so that this treatment may create a psychological effect on their mind. If all these approaches fail, the court of law may give some physical punishment to the party at fault. In case the husbands are given a free hand to punish their wives by beating them, it will create chaos in the society, and instead of solving a problem, we may create several other problems for the women, their suckling babies children, homes, hospitals, etc.

Talaq (Divorce)



We love each other for ever (Insha-Allah)!

Pleace come to Islam to get beautiful family relationship

It has been stated earlier that nikah is an agreement, with full consent between a man and a woman (fully matured and sane) for leading married life. This aims at a happy family life. When possibility of maintaining married life does not remain, both the parties are permitted to cancel their nikah – marital tie; and a relief from this bond is called talaq (divorce).

In the matter of nikah only two individuals-man and woman are involved, and therefore, it is confined to these two individuals only. The matter of talaq is not so confined to two individuals alone; sometimes besides them, their children’s interest will be affected, and thus it becomes a common matter of the society. It is worthy of consideration that at the time of formulation nikah deed consent of both the parties viz. man and woman was necessary; when the same agreement is being terminated, how could only one party namely the husband is given all the rights to terminate the same unilaterally, saying in one breath talaq-talaq-talaq, and driving away the lady from home. At the same time, she is helpless to face innumerable troubles to settle the matters of divorce.

Rights and responsibilities of husband and wife are equal, and the position of both the parties shall be similar in the matter of talaq too. Guidance of the Quran in this respect is that “If you fear a breach between the couple, then appoint an arbiter from the man’s family and an arbiter from the woman’s family. If the two (husband and wife) desire to reach a settlement, God is knowing, the Apprised of all.” (14:35) Some of the Islamic scholars say that this is “An excellent plan for settling family disputes, without too much publicity or mud-throwing or resort to the chicaneries of the law. The Latin countries recognise this plan in their legal systems.”

In the matter to talaq, irrespective of complaint put forth either by the husband or the wife, it will be the responsibility of the society to appoint a board of arbitration. If the wife feels excesses or negligence from the husband’s side, the better course will be that both husband and wife should sort out their differences or appoint a board of arbitration. (4:128) The woman (wife) can also take her case to the court that she too has got full right for divorce (as per the law). But the efforts of the board will be to settle the matter between the husband and the wife amicably. The Quran has used the term talaq for husband and wife both; it has not used the term khula, which has been coined later. It is said that ‘husband has handed over the right of talaq to the wife, but this is not correct. When the wife too has got the same right of talaq as that owned by the husband, then handing over the right of talaq to the wife by her husband makes no sense.

If a settlement between husband and wife in the matter of talaq could not be reached, then the institution or the court, which has appointed the arbiters, will pronounce the dissolution of the nikah (marriage). This is called talaq. In the matter of talaq, the Quran has addressed the Prophet (S), who was a judge or court (65:1). This indicated that the matter of talaq is not restricted to the two parties i.e. husband and wife only, it has wider horizons. The Prophet (S), who was assigned by the Almighty the role of court, was asked to inform the concerned persons that the matter of iddat (‘waiting period’ during which a divorced woman or a widow cannot marry) carries great significance, and this should always be kept in mind (65:1). As the iddat is based on menstruation, to account for iddat the talaq judgement should not come into effect until the concerned woman has completed three menstrual cycles. Those who do not menstruate due to physical disorder or old age, should wait for three months (65:4); only those women whose marriage is not consummated, have no ‘waiting period’ (33:49). If a woman is pregnant she must declare it, and the ‘waiting period’ for her is until the delivery (65:4). Iddat (‘waiting period’) for a widow is four months and ten days (2:234).

In case the court sees that the husband does not want to continue with his wife, the talaq judgement is given and the (divorced) woman will not give anything to the man. In this respect instructions given are very clear (4:20-21) and that the circumstances have led to the stage of separation. In this case, if a person has given even a whole treasure as mahr to his wife, he should not take back even a fraction of it (when talaq process has been initiated from his side). A portion form the mahr can be taken back when the woman takes initiative for talaq (2:229), or when she is found guilty of open indecency (4:19). This will also help to check a situation under which a woman performs nikah with a view to get mahr and afterwards she takes steps for talaq, then she has to surrender a portion of the mahr. At the same time man has been warned not to accuse or slander a chaste woman of open indecency with an object of compelling her to forego a part of her mahr for the husband. This is such an open sin, which does not require any evidence. The instructions are that whatever one has given her how he can take it back when he has enjoyed marital relations with her. Also at the time of nikah there was a solemn covenant from the husband for complete protection of her rights, and on the basis of this one should respect the agreement (4:20-21).

On pronouncement of talaq by the court, iddat commences for the woman; during this period she cannot marry (as stated earlier). She will remain there only where she was living with her husband before the talaq, and the cost of her maintenance will be borne by her (previous) husband with a provision to have the same standard of living she was enjoying before the talaq (65:6-7). If the woman is pregnant at the time of talaq, her expenditure will be borne by her previous husband till the delivery. After the delivery if she suckles baby, and if the man cannot make any other arrangement for this, she should be paid for the suckling, details for payment have to be settled mutually and under the provisions of the prevailing law. If this arrangement causes hardship to the man, separate arrangement is made for suckling through some other woman. While fixing the amount of expenditure of the divorced woman during the ‘waiting period’ or for suckling, it has to be done as per the paying capacity of the husband. If a person is financially depressed he should pay whatever he can (65:6-7). Further instructions of the Quran in this respect are: “Reverting to family laws, men should leave a will behind stating that their widows should be given maintenance for a year without requiring them to leave their homes. However, if during this period, the women of their own accord leave their home and make a decision regarding their further life, you are not to be blamed for it. And remember that these laws are given by Allah who is Almighty Wise”. (2:240).

When the iddat is nearing its end, the husband may either take the (divorced) wife back on equitable terms or part with her on equitable terms (65:2). If the husband initiated termination of Nikah and he desired to resume the martial relationship, with the consent of the woman he may do so even during the iddat.

Two things are very clear in this respect

(I) if the wife had initiated dissolution of marriage, it means that she does not want to cohabit with the husband. Therefore the husband cannot take her forcibly; it is altogether a different matter that she makes her mind to join her husband again;

(ii) if the husband had initiated talaq, though the wife wanted to continue with him and the man corrects himself, then the martial relationship could be resumed. Under such a situation, the Quran warns that resumption of marital relationship should not be with a malign intention to do harm to her or to transgress the limits of Divine law and whosoever harms her harms him. (2:231)

When both the spouses desire to reunite, they should not be prevented (2:232).

When reunion between the spouses has taken place, a question arises that for stabilisation of the martial relation whether renewal of nikah will be necessary or the same old agreement of marriage will be enough. This matter has been left to the society that if it wants it can recognise the previous nikah agreement, and if the society decides otherwise fresh nikah agreement has to be made. The State has to consider necessary that renewal of the union during iddat should be done in such a way that this is considered as nikah.

If the spouses have decided again to live as husband and wife, the above procedure will be adopted. If they have decide for separation, then two witnesses will be required who should not allow any concession to either of them. These witnesses should stand considering their service as duty to Allah (65:2). And that consideration (for reunion) which was an available to the man and the woman during iddat will not remain.

For these individuals (husband and wife), Whether they reunite or get separated, this step will amount to pronouncing one talaq.

If this couple has resolved to continue as husband and wife (whether during the iddat or thereafter), and again they have resorted for separation, the same procedure as given above has to be adopted. This will be treated the second talaq.

After the third talaq, neither during the iddat nor afterwards, they can cohabit as husband and wife (2:229). In case the woman gets married elsewhere and leads regular married life, and there also such a situation develop leading to talaq, or she becomes a widow, then the woman can re-marry her previous husband (2:229-30) In the light of the above explanation, it becomes quite clear that pronouncement of talaq thrice (at three different times) means final termination of the nikah i.e. married life.

With regard to suckling the infant (baby), it is not necessary for mother to suckle for a specific period of time. The parents depending on the conditions of the baby could take the decision in this matter. In this regard the Quran observes that the mother carries the baby in her womb and suckles it after delivery for a period of two years (2:233; 46:15), then expenses for the maintenance of the mother will have to be borne by the father, and these charges will not be beyond the father’s capacity. If both of them agree that the mother is relieved from suckling of the baby, they may do so. If the father desires to arrange another woman for suckling the baby, there is no harm in it, but whatever had been promised to the mother, that should be fulfilled accordingly. If the father dies during this period, the maintenance cost of the baby should be borne by his heirs.

On separation of husband and wife, children should stay with whom is the matter to be decided by the competent court or the State. It is to be kept in view that neither the father nor the mother or the heirs should suffer unnecessarily in this regard. The State could formulate rules for this purpose.

Children (Sons and Daughters)



We love each other for ever (Insha-Allah)!

Pleace come to Islam to get beautiful family relationship

It is the foremost duty of parents to arrange for proper maintenance, right type of education, and good training of their children so that they grow satisfactorily, develop their potential, express their abilities, become virtuous human being, a good citizen, and an ideal member of the society, and thereby should contribute to the society significantly. It is the responsibility of the parents and the State to provide opportunities to children for their development, and these basic requirements should not be denied to them out of fear of want (destination) (6:152, 17:31). Children should be maintained on lawful earnings. Persons who kill their children foolishly and out of ignorance, they are big losers, and on account of this they have to face a serious disaster (6:141). Becoming careless towards children is as worse as killing them; depriving them of education and training is a grave mistake (17:31). A healthy, well built, and wholesome child is a gift of Allah (7:189-90). A thoughtful, pious, and loving heart contained by him, a follower of Divine laws and broad-minded child is a great blessing of the Almighty (19:12-14).

Children include boy as well as girls, and both are born according to the Divine laws. During the pre-Islamic period (and even today) boys were considered superior to girls receiving better treatment accordingly. Islam has abolished this mentality. This attitude has been very much condemned by the Quran (16:58-59).

Care and welfare of family members should receive due attention; wife and children are made attractive to man (3:13), but for their sake one should not involve him into such activities which are against the permanent values. One who disregards permanent values becomes envious rather enemy to man (64:14-15). Whenever there is clash between permanent values and interests of the family, the Quranic values should always be upheld (9:24). Total home atmosphere maintained by the parents plays very important role in building up character of children and this create significant impact on them. Character of children gets moulded under good home-atmosphere and parents have to be very cautions and careful in maintaining it. At no point of time the children should be neglected.

Children’s education is a matter of prime importance. Education is of two types-deeni taleem (religious education) to get acquainted with the Quranic teachings; and the modern scientific and technological education for economic growth and development. These two types of education imparted make the children a good member of the family as well as an ideal citizen in the society, and thus they contribute significantly to the nation and the country. It is the responsibility of the State not to leave the children at the mercy of their parents, particularly in case of those parents who are not capable to provide proper maintenance, care and education to their children on account of their property.

Parents

Parents’ role in the family is most significant particularly when the children are small; they will be usually under the care, training, and maintenance of their parents for certain period of time, and they have to follow instructions given by them. Children should be good and faithful to parents, but as far obedience is concerned it is only to Allah (4:36). The quality of physical and mental strength gets obscured at the old age, and this is the stage at which parents need help of their children and they have to be well looked after. But possible treatment should be rendered to them, and this kind of treatment makes one’s own self to grow and develop (46:15). Parents have taken maximum possible care for rearing their children and they had given full protection to them at infancy stage. On account of the old age, sometimes the attitude of the parents becomes abnormal. Their temperament becomes childish. At this moment one should not behave with them indifferently by banging, scolding, or giving erratic treatment. While referring of the permanent values and the treatment ordained to be given tot he parents the Quran has given beautiful instructions when it says:

“For the betterment of life therefore, Allah has prescribed some permanent values including:

(i) You should obey only Allah’s laws.

(ii) You should make good the deficiencies of your old parents.

(iii) If one or both of them grow old, you should not prod or reproach them but speak to them respectfully (36:68),

iv) You should give them protection with all the affection and say “O my Rabb ! (Enable me) to provide them means of nourishment as they had raised me from childhood.

You should do all this, not in a mechanical manner but from the core of your heart keeping always in mind that what you do for your parents helps in the development of your own self. Allah is the Protector of those who revert to Him for His protection.” (17:23-25)

It should be remembered that caring for the young ones is done by all living beings, which they forget afterwards but caring for the old parents is the quality of man alone. One should not forget that the mother bears pain while carrying as well as giving birth to a baby and showering after-care with utmost and affections, and sacrificing every thing at least for thirty months (46:15).

It has been stated earlier that obedience is for Allah alone (17:23), and this means following of the Divine laws. On the other hand as far the parents are concerned, they should be given best possible treatment and respect, and also their deficiencies are removed.

It is the responsibility of the State to see that old parents are not left to lead a miserable and disrespectful life with their children, and this way their (the parents’) self does not get dishonoured.

Ancestors

People sometimes make reference tot he workings and sayings of their ancestors to get support for their stand in day-to-day life. Such working and sayings could be accepted when these are in conformity with the teachings o the Quran; when these are against the teachings these cannot be accepted. The Divine Book is the supreme authority for reference. Our ancestors had left this world; during their lifetime whatever they had sown they had reaped so. On the Day of Judgement one will be questioned for what he had done, and not about what his ancestors had done (2:134).

It has been the attitude of kafireen (Unbelievers, misled people) that they have followed the footsteps of their ancestors without applying knowledge and wisdom; they do not follow the right path shown to them by the Quran (2:170). Such persons argue that what that they have been doing was being done since ages. They do not care to think that though it was going on since long whether it had any base provided by knowledge, wisdom, and logic, This kind of blind imitation does not ensure fruitful results. The Quran insists on applying mind (34:46), and says that those inspite of having given the faculties of thinking, seeing, and hearing, do not utilize them, they are just like brutes – and indeed worse than them. (7:179)

Orphans

In a broader sense, orphans are those persons who are poor, left alone helpless, and struggle for sustenance. But people consider generally such children orphans who lost their father or mother or both, and left with nobody’s stewardship. In such cases, it becomes the responsibility of the State to arrange for their maintenance, health care, and education and training. This should be done in such a manner that their self does not get hurt.

Unfortunately the practice is quite reverse. At many orphanages the orphans are kept under very poor conditions of feeding, clothing, and living, and these conditions are below the human level. They often do not get their real basic needs. Hardly any kindness or generosity is extended to them, and they are made to live on alum and charity. This results in miserable and gradual crucification of their ‘self’. The potentials they are endowed as godly gift does not get any opportunity to grow, develop, and express itself at any time.

In this respect the Quran observes that one of the causes of disaster and downfall of nations is that of disrespect shown to the orphans in that particular society (89:17).

The directive of the Divine Laws in this regard is that whatever good has to be done to the orphans in their own interest, that should be done (2:220).

With them good and brotherly relations would be maintained, and the treatment given to them should be the same as that given to the members of one’s own family. Allah knows very well those who are desirous of improving conditions of orphans and also those who try to exploit them. Unnecessary, undesirable, and unwanted pressure should never be laid on them (89:17).

Orphans should not be given any harsh treatment (93:9).

Adequate arrangements have to be made for their education, training and development.

When orphans have their property or assets, these should be protected fully, and whosoever manages their affairs should not take any remuneration in lieu of managerial services rendered to them except when the care-taker is a needy person (4:5-6). When the orphans have grown and are fully matured to manage their affairs them selves, their property and assets should be handed over to them in the presence of witnesses. (6:153) Keeping in views that they will grow in near future their property and assets should not be ‘swallowed’. While settling their accounts, one should not forget that he is submitting these accounts to Allah who has knowledge of every thing, and people have to be answerable to Him (4:5-6).

Rights and interest of the orphans should be protected in the same way as one does for his own children. Their good articles should not be replaced with worthless articles and this kind of act is a gross injustice to them (4:2).

The Quran warns those who become oppressive towards the orphans, and ‘eat’ away their property and assets through injustice to them. This is similar to that of filling their own stomach with fire; their greed swells. Such persons run in madness to acquire unlawful assets and their capabilities turn into ashes (4:10).

It has been mentioned earlier that as a result of war or any other incidents when women and children have turned widows and orphans respectively, exception is given to the rule of monogamy allowing more than one wife (unto maximum of four at a time) so that proper protection, maintenance, care, education, shelter, etc. are provided to the widows and orphans thereby checking them from involving themselves into unsociable activities.

As far orphanage is concerned, a boy is considered orphan till he is fully mature, whereas in case of a girl she remains orphan till she gets married; widows also come into the category of orphans (4:127).

Orphans should be given what they deserve but it is better if they are given more; fairness shown towards them will never go waste.

Relatives, Friends, and Neighbours

Relatives also deserve the same good treatment, which is given to the parents (2:83).

They should be helped when they are in need (2:177).

Good treatment should be given to friends (4:36).

Those who do not believe in the Quran cannot be the friends of a momin. (3:27)

If one’s father or brother is an Unbeliever, he/she should not make them friends (9:23).

One should be good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, needy persons, neighbours who are near or strangers, companions by one’s side, and way-fares(4:36).

Servants, Needy and Poor Persons

On human consideration servants also deserve kind treatment. In fact such a person alone give good treatment to others whose heart is full of human qualities and who is a symbol of manliness, and who feels pleasure in helping others. But those who are self deceiving and devoid of human considerations talk high of helping mankind but do not give any thing to others; for such ungrateful persons Allah has prepared a humiliating life. (4:36-37)

Needy and poor persons also deserve kind treatment similar to that given to one’s own near and dear so that the equilibrium in the society is maintained (2:83).

Needy persons have their share in the surplus of our earnings over and above our real needs (51:19-22).

A needy person should not be looked down upon as if he is a man of low level. One should not repulse or scorn him unheard (93:10).

There are persons who are really needy, they ask for help, and their genuine need and request can be recognised by seeing their gloomy faces (2:273).

When such persons come and ask for help, instead of giving them charity with taunt it is better to refuse it in a kind manner if you are not in a position to help (2:263).

Feelings of the recipients of charity or donation should not be injured by a rough or unpleasant attitude; such is the behaviour of those who do not believe in Allah and the Hereafter. This kind of help is similar to such rains which fall on a sheet-rock containing little soil and seed which get washed away and bring about no fruitful results (2:264).

While extending help to poor and needy persons, travellers and way-fares too have their rightful share in one’s income. Such persons may also be in need of assistance and therefore they should be helped honourably. When any help is extended to them. One should not feel him proud and boastful, and Allah does not like such persons (4:36,17:26).

There are fellows who are professional beggars though they are physically fit enough to earn their living by doing normal work or undertaking jobs. still they are habituated to begging and collection alum. Such persons are permanent (economic) parasites on others in the society, and helping them is similar to that of not helping the real poor, needy, and crippled persons who deserve all help. (To know more about islamic family and relationship Please visit Islam Awareness Homepage )


Home plays a very important role in the civilised life of man. It is a small world in itself. An individual is born, brought up, and trained in family atmosphere and this naturally leaves an everlasting impression on him. His character and habits are developed at home, and in the family, and these factors are responsible for his future career. This is the reason why the Quran has laid so much emphasis on family life, and has touched (for guidance) even the minute aspects of it in most elaborate form. A good family order serves as a model for the society, and its people determines future of a nation.

Did you read and understand ANY of it? If you did...you would not need to copy and paste and would easily explain it in YOUR OWN WORDS!

 

[Dubious]

No, I haven't and I am pretty sure I do not want to juggle 2 women as I am a 1 girl guy with a wife whom I love the most in the world. And since I do not believe I can treat 2 women equally, I am not permitted to marry a second wife. Islam is very strict on treatment to multiple wives which must be equal.

Also, I take it that by 2 women, you meant 2 wives as otherwise even the thought is disgusting!

At least someone speaks a common language!

 

[Dubious]

They are allowed to do so. Men are allowed to have multiple wives if the reason is love, respect and honour and not lust. However, not many men consider marrying women just to support them or to provide protection/shelter.

Ok Hello EARTH to MARS! I am talking about What happens not what is allowed or not....

 

[Hyperion]

When you put it that way, I seriously have a hard time thinking if you even THINK!

NO man will say go kill my wife! I am talking about difference between dictatorship and leader! And you are going on and on about how the husband is the head! He is the head BUT NOT A DICTATOR! He can not FORCE her THAT is against Islam...He is to LEAD her...Learn the differences between the two! A good leader can do without force and idiot can not do without force!

@Talon yara, stop it. I think we are all preaching to a robot. Brain washed beyond redemption. I think @forcetrip has the stomach to deal with him. Many better things to do in life to get browny points, it costs USD250/month to support a beautiful orphan in the Balkans and elsewhere. Support 10 orphans and you'll goto heaven. Simple as that. Compassion over-rules EVERYTHING else.


"Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Garden (paradise) whose width is that of the heavens and of the earth, prepared for the righteous - Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity or in adversity, who restrain (their) anger and pardon (all) men - for God loves those who do good."

 

[angeldust]

hahahaha....Well, your circulatory system (heart, blood vessels) you reproductive system and if you are a smoker your respiratory track!

Tract?

Men have a reproductive system?

 

[angeldust]

Whatever, buddy! Crawl back under whatever rock you popped out from. Keep your puritanical views to yourself. Pakistan is a multi ethnical society, with no room for rigid interpretation of anything.

Dude, don't get me wrong, your kind F.O.B from Saudi, kills for religion. I'll do it for just the pleasure of disinfecting Pakistan from vermin such as yourself. Scat now!

Makes me barf too.

But if I or any other non-muslim said as much, we'd get banned.

I'll meet you guys on another thread. Even Talon disappoints.

 

[Mav3rick]

Whatever, buddy! Crawl back under whatever rock you popped out from. Keep your puritanical views to yourself. Pakistan is a multi ethnical society, with no room for rigid interpretation of anything.

Dude, don't get me wrong, your kind F.O.B from Saudi, kills for religion. I'll do it for just the pleasure of disinfecting Pakistan from vermin such as yourself. Scat now!

What he said is what a normal Muslim is supposed to do, that is to live life according to Qur'an and Sunnah (Shariat). I find it quite ironic that you are preaching about rigidity to some one where as your own post is a lot more bitter and rigid then anything that person may have posted.

 

[Mav3rick]

Makes me barf too.

But if I or any other non-muslim said as much, we'd get banned.

I'll meet you guys on another thread. Even Talon disappoints.

Shouldn't you be more concerned with the practice of 'sati' and burying of infant girls/abortions of female fetus which is part of which religion now???