AliFarooq
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Here is an interesting little (actually big) article about how life is in Lahore (i.e. for young people). I'm pretty sure its the same for the rest of Pakistan. If you've never lived in Pakistan, you'll probably find this to be pretty stupid.
---------
Shughal
Lahories are wierd people. Life in Lahore revolves around "Shoghal" (and
food, but that's besides the point) It's really hard to explain what
shoghal is. I guess you could say it means fun, but it's more than just
fun, 'cause sometimes you could be laggaing shoghal (You can't have
shoghal, you have to "Lagga" it. Laggana means `to put') but not having
any fun.
There are all kinds of people in Lahore. There are rich people, poor
people and people who are neither. Than there are people who don't know
who they are so they have their own little social class. Everybody does
stuff differently but where and how they do it is as different as
...um...well it's really different.
Rich people have a lot of money, they have to otherwise they wouldn't be
rich. They go to pseudo dance parties, get drunk and throw up in their
very expensive car. They eat out at places like Zouk which is a really
expensive place and serves three week old hacked up Iguana poo. They
have got a cool little bar that you can lean on, pretend you are in
Paris and "send out the vibe". The vibe always goes to other guys who
are sending out vibe, because everybody is sending it out because that's
what they are there for. The boy-girl ratio in that place is
827349290825 to 0.75. This little ratio thing is always very important
for Lahories when it comes to restaurants. There's gotta be "babes"
there-"dude". I fail to understand why though, because all they ever do
is "send out the vibe" and smoke three million ciggarettes in an hour. I
could be wrong but I don't think that something like that would make any
girl fling herself on somebody and screw his brains out-Eh? Anyway (More
on that later) so they go to Zouk, Xinhua and Takhat Lahori because you
have to be "seen there", you have to be "in". Spending 15 Rs. per head
on plain Roti is no big deal (Yep. In Takhat Lahori) because you are
there with all the "cool" crowd and it's all "happenin'" there.
Everybody knows everybody (Well, almost) There's an LGS crowd, LCAS
crowd and various other pesky-little-extremelly-expensive-private-school
crowds. They all know each other. I don't know how, I just don't
understand it. It's probably because they run into each other all the
time. I would get to know people too if I ran into them whenever I went
out.
>Hey! Look! There's that guy that ordered a cheese burger at Zouk!
And he's with that girl who threw up on Shazia at Butt's party!
So they eat. But before they do that they go to the theatre or
carnivals.
About the carnivals first. They used to be called Fun Fairs. There was
one every year in Fotress Stadium in October. But like everywhere else
in Lahore, having too many people in one place isn't smart. According to
my Law of Relative Coolness there can only be a limited amount of "cool"
people in a given space at one time, other things remaining the same.
You just can't expect a peacefull evening when there are 11 million
"cool" guys all sending out the vibe to the same girl ( ). Sooner or later
one of them realizes that he's not getting anywhere or that he's not
having any fun so he decides to have fun and finds himself a ****ty
little wimp. Once that minor detail is dispensed with, he starts picking
on him. It's really very easy to pick on people. If they are with girls
So all these pesky-little-extremelly-expensive-school-I-don't-like-blood
crowd gets together and decides to do their own little Fun Fair thing,
only they're called Carnivals. You have to pay about 100 Rs. to get in
and get some girl to sponsor you. This greatly reduces the risk of
fights because everybody is probably too busy making the most of their
100 Rs. Plus that girl who sponsored them is a very sensitive issue.
Every girl is a prospective Bachee (girlie) in those carnivals, unless
she is your sister or mother. Nobody would do anything to screw up his
chances by "sending out the vibe" to every random "bachee". All in all
they've got things pretty much in control now with these "exclusive"
carnivals. There are people behaving themselves, no "Chappay", and
talking about who threw up on who at who's party! There are people
sending each other roses through other girls (20 Rs. for a rose,
delivery free). These carnivals are basically held in October through
Febuary in schools like LCAS, LGS, Unity High, and LAS.
And then there's theatre. A pretty nice little thing actually. Amateur
theatre in Lahore is really "in". A bunch of people get together who
have nothing to do, they have money and some rich uncle who's willing to
sponsor their play and they do a play. Usually it's english plays. They
get this pseudo intellectual friend of their's who got a long pony and
who's into "stuff" and Voila! Play!
This gives everybody a nice opportunity to "send out the vibe" to girls
in the cast and crew. Good fun, lots of nights out, parties...Yeah! And
sometimes the plays are nice too.
How can I forget cars, we've got all sorts of cars. Big ones, small ones
and all of them, expensive. There's absolutely no shortage of BMWs,
Mercedes, and Land Cruisers. As for Pajeros, pull out a brick and you'll
get a Pajero (Translate into Punjabi).
Theatre, carnivals, food, cars and parties....not bad for a third world
country where 85% of the population is living below the poverty line.
Eh?
...
(continued)
--------------------
Cricket and flying kites ... An obsession !
On the other hand there are the poor people. Ofcourse, some are more
poor than others. They spend their time playing cricket, flying kites
and sending out the vibe to Indian movie actresses. A pretty interesting
existence if you ask me. Most of these are are very good cicketers and
they are definitely very good at ChimooRing kites. The less poor people
have motercycle with really loud horns and they hang out in small
billiard clubs. They play cricket with a tape ball (it hurts, trust me)
and not just any tape ball. It has to be Nitto tape, preferably red
'cause its easier to see. And while I am at it, I might as well tell you
that there are a lot of fake Nitto tapes out-don't be fooled. The fake
Nitto is spelled `Nito'. It gives out after the first over.
They play cricket everywhere! On the streets, playgrounds, rooftops, and
parking lots. Rules are very strictly followed and they usually favour
whoever owns the bat and ball (That's the only thing you need to play
cricket-Plus tape if you are into hard core street cricket). As people
grow up, they get better at cricket and they stop bringing their
cricketing stuff out to play. Bringing the bat and ball is usually left
for a young up and coming cricketer who is not a good player, who can
only survive if he owns the stuff. That way he can get more then one
"Baree" (turn). If you have ever played cricket in these circumstances,
you probably know how Pakistan comes up with so many good fast bowlers.
Playing on a dirt track (grass can't grow anywhere where there are 11
teams playing cricket 19 hours a day) reduces the effective speed of a
ball by about 90%. So you have to use every ounce of your strength to
make the ball reach the other end at a reasonable pace. Once it reaches
the other end it is greeted by a very impatient man who'll probably be
kicked out of the batting line up (physically forced to retire) if he
doesn't hit a boundry.
Result: A man comes running in and hurls a tennis ball wrapped in
insulating tape at approximatly 90 miles per hour. It reaches the other
end of the pitch in less than a second where another man, who is unable
to open his eyes because he is putting everything he has in his swing,
swings the bat in a wide arc. This raises a huge cloud of dust which
makes it impossible for his team mates to see what is going on. Usually
what follows is pretty predictable.
A. The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow,
connects with the ball and sends it flying out of the boundary. The
batsman's teammates rush in and congratulate him and tell him that he is
the greatest. And they yell "Alloo Alloo" (Potato Potato) at the other
team.
The bowler is told by every member of his team that he is a worthless
by-product of humanity and isn't fit to go on. Sometimes he is also told
that he should come back later after he has grown some hair on his
balls.
B. The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow,
doesn't connect to anything and whooshes by the ground. If the ball goes
into the stumps (Usually a chair or two bricks on the ground. Hard core
cricketers have iron stumps with a stand and everything) the bowler's
teammates rush in and congratulate him and tell him that he is the
greatest. And they yell "Alloo Alloo" (Potato Potato) at the other team.
The batsman is told by every member of his team that he is a worthless
by-product of humanity and isn't fit to go on. Sometimes he is also told
that he should come back later after he has grown some hair on his
balls.
C. The The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow,
doesn't connect to anything and passes by harmlessly (Unless it hits the
wicket keeper where he has been trying to grow some hair-in which case
the game is temporarily suspended while people from all the teams, and
other neighbouring teams rush in and offer their services to "do" his
future wife 'cause he probably won't be able to do it!). The bowler is
given a small compliment by the captain and told to keep it up. The
batsman is warned that if he does this again he will be retired.
D. The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow, and
connects to the batsman's knee. There is a loud crack and everybody
thinks it's a six (Remember? Lots of dust?) When the dust clears
everybody sees the batsman laying on the ground with his posterior
pointing towards the heavens and making very obscene sounds. The game is
temporarily suspended while people from all the teams rush in and make
fun of the "Loola" (Cripple) and tell him that he'll never be able to
walk again for the rest of his life. Some also think it's a good
opportunity and offer their services to "do" his future wife, or hold
her down while he does it.
It's a very competitive and violent game. Don't go into it unless you
think you can stand the heat.
Kite flying is also an obsession with everybody. People fly kites from
rooftops, streets, playgrounds, and parking lots. More!
People spend their time eating out, watching movies, playing cricket,
flying kites, pool and sending out the vibe to anything that moves.
...
(continued)
------------------
THE VIBES:
( Girls don't take is seriously, its all humour.
Guys ! note down the tips in your palmy/lapy, they might come in handy some day )
It's really weird. You'd think that in a country like Pakistan dating,
or any kind of contact with the opposite sex would be
impossible....Well, it is! But that doesn't stop anyone from having
their own little Indian movie. I guess you can definitly blame the
Indian movies for doing this to our fine young generation.
How you get a girl is very complicated and by no means easy. The first
step is to find one. Easier said than done. It's not like everybody has
high standards or anything....There just aren't any. Some people would
do anything! As long as it moves. There are lots of ways you can find a
girl. You can go to the market and "be cool". Once a girl looks at you,
you can be pretty sure she "wants you". That's all you need. Just one
little look and she's "your's". Once she lets you know that she "wants
you", you must be at the same spot at the same time everyday so she can
see you again. Then you start riding by her house, blaring your loud
horn. It's even better if you have a car with a loud horn. Having a
friend with you is optional. This stage usually takes about 3 months.
After that, depending on the girl, she'll begin to come out on the
terrace/window/gate and give you a nasty look. Don't be disappointed,
that's a good sign. There's no way you can expect any girl to give you
smiles that easily. So she'll give you nasty looks and turn away as soon
as she sees you coming. A month or two like that and then you must "make
the first move". Now things usually work out really good for these
"Phunds" (Literal translation: Male Bee) All those months riding by her
house and you can be sure that you attract attention from more than just
that girl. Chances are there are other Phunds in that nieghbourhood who
have worked on her and fallen short ( ). Birds of a feather flock together-
or peck each other's eyes out. But in order to make this simple I'll
assume that there is no blood shed. That's a big assumption because you
have to be very very lucky if you find a girl without having to kill
somebody. Anyway, this other Phund gets to know you and you become
friends in that period. (very unlikely, but I want to make this
explanation less complicated than it already is)
Usually a first move is throwing a "Perchee" (Piece of paper with your
phone number on it) to her.
IMPORTANT: Never ever look back and and see if she picks it up or not.
If you do that she'll probably tear it up in front of your eyes or stomp
it in the ground.
Or you can get her number by your new found Phund friend or get it from
the line man (50 Rs. should do it!) You can try calling her but she'll
never talk to you-What do you think she is? A whore? If you've been
doing everything right so far, she'll call you. She won't tell you who
she is, she'll probably say she just dialled a wrong number and since
she is bored she's gonna do you a favour and talk to you for a second.
Good! You are almost there! Now everything depends on you. How long you
get her to say that she is the girl that you have been working on for 6
months now. Once you get that out of the way, you can be sure that
she'll call you at every opportunity she gets. Now you'll have endless
converstions on the phone with her, through out the day and the night.
Day in, day out. Convincing her to see you is very hard. If you are
really good she'll probably let you pick her up from her school/college
and drop her off. If you can keep your
hands/tongue/other-offensive-but-extremelly-fun-bodyparts off her,
she'll see you again. But this is where I stop my explanations. Good
luck!
Like I said, I assummed a lot stuff here. There are other extremelly
intricate and sensitive issues you have to watch out for. Like how you
handle the Phund- If you don't handle it correctly you could get hurt.
If you don't handle the line man correctly he'll never give you the
number (Hint: Pretend you don't want it and you don't really care! Don't be aloof either!)
All things said and done, don't underestimate the girl. She's probably
300 times more harmonal than you ever will be!
------------------
THE OTHER ALTERNATIVE:
If you think that you can't do all that for a girl then you can just
wait till some girl who's bored out of her skull calls you. They have
been known to do that. This is how it works out:
Somebody spends 6 months on a girl but it doesn't turn out to be the
most successful thing ever. During that 6 months that guy probably gave
that girl his number fifteen hundered times. If the girl isn't
interested you can be sure that she won't call. You can also bet your
right ball that she'll give that number to her friend and that friend
will ,someday, get bored and call you. If you can be interesting enough
(Don't mention any hands/tongue/other-offensive-but-extremelly-fun-bodyparts to her) she
might even call you again. This thing pretty much follows the same
format except she is calling you. But that doesn't mean you can be
aloof....You have to pretend that it's no skin off your nose if she
doesn't call you again, but at the same time you have to make it
absolutly clear that you'll die if she doesn't call you. It is
confusing, I know, but that's how it works. Thalay to lagnaa paRta hai
naa (Literal Translation: You have to attach yourself underneath
her....This is just a literal translation). GaRee upper uthanay kay
liyay juknaa to paRta hai. (Literal Translation: You have to bend over
to get the jack under the car).
Good way to meet people (Prospective bachee/bachaa) is through your
friends who have already been through the Khoaree process and know other
people who are going through it.
Before I wrap this up, let me tell you about where you might wanna go if
you take her out. Forget all the places on my food page. Not unless you
want 700 people staring at you (makes food drop out of your mouth) There
are some discreet (but nice) eating places in Defense, screw the food,
you want privacy. Olives in Defense used to be good for that but there
are way too many people there now. It's still good if you go there in
the afternoon. Don't go there after 7 p.m if you don't want to run into
your favorate Khala and her 200 little kids.
There are some good places in Gulberg (Omega Center, I think) some
psuedo Italian restaurants. Don't go there after 7 p.m. either, not
unless you want to run into your favorate Phuppo with her 200 little
kids. It's pretty safe to go anywhere in the afternoon (Except Copper
Kettle where Khoaar people go to hunt down "dates") At night, it's
better just to drive around in the car.
This is getting way to long and I don't think there's anyway I could
tell you everything about this extremelly complicated "Bachaa/Bachee"
deal in Lahore. Good luck, have fun
---------
Shughal
Lahories are wierd people. Life in Lahore revolves around "Shoghal" (and
food, but that's besides the point) It's really hard to explain what
shoghal is. I guess you could say it means fun, but it's more than just
fun, 'cause sometimes you could be laggaing shoghal (You can't have
shoghal, you have to "Lagga" it. Laggana means `to put') but not having
any fun.
There are all kinds of people in Lahore. There are rich people, poor
people and people who are neither. Than there are people who don't know
who they are so they have their own little social class. Everybody does
stuff differently but where and how they do it is as different as
...um...well it's really different.
Rich people have a lot of money, they have to otherwise they wouldn't be
rich. They go to pseudo dance parties, get drunk and throw up in their
very expensive car. They eat out at places like Zouk which is a really
expensive place and serves three week old hacked up Iguana poo. They
have got a cool little bar that you can lean on, pretend you are in
Paris and "send out the vibe". The vibe always goes to other guys who
are sending out vibe, because everybody is sending it out because that's
what they are there for. The boy-girl ratio in that place is
827349290825 to 0.75. This little ratio thing is always very important
for Lahories when it comes to restaurants. There's gotta be "babes"
there-"dude". I fail to understand why though, because all they ever do
is "send out the vibe" and smoke three million ciggarettes in an hour. I
could be wrong but I don't think that something like that would make any
girl fling herself on somebody and screw his brains out-Eh? Anyway (More
on that later) so they go to Zouk, Xinhua and Takhat Lahori because you
have to be "seen there", you have to be "in". Spending 15 Rs. per head
on plain Roti is no big deal (Yep. In Takhat Lahori) because you are
there with all the "cool" crowd and it's all "happenin'" there.
Everybody knows everybody (Well, almost) There's an LGS crowd, LCAS
crowd and various other pesky-little-extremelly-expensive-private-school
crowds. They all know each other. I don't know how, I just don't
understand it. It's probably because they run into each other all the
time. I would get to know people too if I ran into them whenever I went
out.
>Hey! Look! There's that guy that ordered a cheese burger at Zouk!
And he's with that girl who threw up on Shazia at Butt's party!
So they eat. But before they do that they go to the theatre or
carnivals.
About the carnivals first. They used to be called Fun Fairs. There was
one every year in Fotress Stadium in October. But like everywhere else
in Lahore, having too many people in one place isn't smart. According to
my Law of Relative Coolness there can only be a limited amount of "cool"
people in a given space at one time, other things remaining the same.
You just can't expect a peacefull evening when there are 11 million
"cool" guys all sending out the vibe to the same girl ( ). Sooner or later
one of them realizes that he's not getting anywhere or that he's not
having any fun so he decides to have fun and finds himself a ****ty
little wimp. Once that minor detail is dispensed with, he starts picking
on him. It's really very easy to pick on people. If they are with girls
So all these pesky-little-extremelly-expensive-school-I-don't-like-blood
crowd gets together and decides to do their own little Fun Fair thing,
only they're called Carnivals. You have to pay about 100 Rs. to get in
and get some girl to sponsor you. This greatly reduces the risk of
fights because everybody is probably too busy making the most of their
100 Rs. Plus that girl who sponsored them is a very sensitive issue.
Every girl is a prospective Bachee (girlie) in those carnivals, unless
she is your sister or mother. Nobody would do anything to screw up his
chances by "sending out the vibe" to every random "bachee". All in all
they've got things pretty much in control now with these "exclusive"
carnivals. There are people behaving themselves, no "Chappay", and
talking about who threw up on who at who's party! There are people
sending each other roses through other girls (20 Rs. for a rose,
delivery free). These carnivals are basically held in October through
Febuary in schools like LCAS, LGS, Unity High, and LAS.
And then there's theatre. A pretty nice little thing actually. Amateur
theatre in Lahore is really "in". A bunch of people get together who
have nothing to do, they have money and some rich uncle who's willing to
sponsor their play and they do a play. Usually it's english plays. They
get this pseudo intellectual friend of their's who got a long pony and
who's into "stuff" and Voila! Play!
This gives everybody a nice opportunity to "send out the vibe" to girls
in the cast and crew. Good fun, lots of nights out, parties...Yeah! And
sometimes the plays are nice too.
How can I forget cars, we've got all sorts of cars. Big ones, small ones
and all of them, expensive. There's absolutely no shortage of BMWs,
Mercedes, and Land Cruisers. As for Pajeros, pull out a brick and you'll
get a Pajero (Translate into Punjabi).
Theatre, carnivals, food, cars and parties....not bad for a third world
country where 85% of the population is living below the poverty line.
Eh?
...
(continued)
--------------------
Cricket and flying kites ... An obsession !
On the other hand there are the poor people. Ofcourse, some are more
poor than others. They spend their time playing cricket, flying kites
and sending out the vibe to Indian movie actresses. A pretty interesting
existence if you ask me. Most of these are are very good cicketers and
they are definitely very good at ChimooRing kites. The less poor people
have motercycle with really loud horns and they hang out in small
billiard clubs. They play cricket with a tape ball (it hurts, trust me)
and not just any tape ball. It has to be Nitto tape, preferably red
'cause its easier to see. And while I am at it, I might as well tell you
that there are a lot of fake Nitto tapes out-don't be fooled. The fake
Nitto is spelled `Nito'. It gives out after the first over.
They play cricket everywhere! On the streets, playgrounds, rooftops, and
parking lots. Rules are very strictly followed and they usually favour
whoever owns the bat and ball (That's the only thing you need to play
cricket-Plus tape if you are into hard core street cricket). As people
grow up, they get better at cricket and they stop bringing their
cricketing stuff out to play. Bringing the bat and ball is usually left
for a young up and coming cricketer who is not a good player, who can
only survive if he owns the stuff. That way he can get more then one
"Baree" (turn). If you have ever played cricket in these circumstances,
you probably know how Pakistan comes up with so many good fast bowlers.
Playing on a dirt track (grass can't grow anywhere where there are 11
teams playing cricket 19 hours a day) reduces the effective speed of a
ball by about 90%. So you have to use every ounce of your strength to
make the ball reach the other end at a reasonable pace. Once it reaches
the other end it is greeted by a very impatient man who'll probably be
kicked out of the batting line up (physically forced to retire) if he
doesn't hit a boundry.
Result: A man comes running in and hurls a tennis ball wrapped in
insulating tape at approximatly 90 miles per hour. It reaches the other
end of the pitch in less than a second where another man, who is unable
to open his eyes because he is putting everything he has in his swing,
swings the bat in a wide arc. This raises a huge cloud of dust which
makes it impossible for his team mates to see what is going on. Usually
what follows is pretty predictable.
A. The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow,
connects with the ball and sends it flying out of the boundary. The
batsman's teammates rush in and congratulate him and tell him that he is
the greatest. And they yell "Alloo Alloo" (Potato Potato) at the other
team.
The bowler is told by every member of his team that he is a worthless
by-product of humanity and isn't fit to go on. Sometimes he is also told
that he should come back later after he has grown some hair on his
balls.
B. The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow,
doesn't connect to anything and whooshes by the ground. If the ball goes
into the stumps (Usually a chair or two bricks on the ground. Hard core
cricketers have iron stumps with a stand and everything) the bowler's
teammates rush in and congratulate him and tell him that he is the
greatest. And they yell "Alloo Alloo" (Potato Potato) at the other team.
The batsman is told by every member of his team that he is a worthless
by-product of humanity and isn't fit to go on. Sometimes he is also told
that he should come back later after he has grown some hair on his
balls.
C. The The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow,
doesn't connect to anything and passes by harmlessly (Unless it hits the
wicket keeper where he has been trying to grow some hair-in which case
the game is temporarily suspended while people from all the teams, and
other neighbouring teams rush in and offer their services to "do" his
future wife 'cause he probably won't be able to do it!). The bowler is
given a small compliment by the captain and told to keep it up. The
batsman is warned that if he does this again he will be retired.
D. The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow, and
connects to the batsman's knee. There is a loud crack and everybody
thinks it's a six (Remember? Lots of dust?) When the dust clears
everybody sees the batsman laying on the ground with his posterior
pointing towards the heavens and making very obscene sounds. The game is
temporarily suspended while people from all the teams rush in and make
fun of the "Loola" (Cripple) and tell him that he'll never be able to
walk again for the rest of his life. Some also think it's a good
opportunity and offer their services to "do" his future wife, or hold
her down while he does it.
It's a very competitive and violent game. Don't go into it unless you
think you can stand the heat.
Kite flying is also an obsession with everybody. People fly kites from
rooftops, streets, playgrounds, and parking lots. More!
People spend their time eating out, watching movies, playing cricket,
flying kites, pool and sending out the vibe to anything that moves.
...
(continued)
------------------
THE VIBES:
( Girls don't take is seriously, its all humour.
Guys ! note down the tips in your palmy/lapy, they might come in handy some day )
It's really weird. You'd think that in a country like Pakistan dating,
or any kind of contact with the opposite sex would be
impossible....Well, it is! But that doesn't stop anyone from having
their own little Indian movie. I guess you can definitly blame the
Indian movies for doing this to our fine young generation.
How you get a girl is very complicated and by no means easy. The first
step is to find one. Easier said than done. It's not like everybody has
high standards or anything....There just aren't any. Some people would
do anything! As long as it moves. There are lots of ways you can find a
girl. You can go to the market and "be cool". Once a girl looks at you,
you can be pretty sure she "wants you". That's all you need. Just one
little look and she's "your's". Once she lets you know that she "wants
you", you must be at the same spot at the same time everyday so she can
see you again. Then you start riding by her house, blaring your loud
horn. It's even better if you have a car with a loud horn. Having a
friend with you is optional. This stage usually takes about 3 months.
After that, depending on the girl, she'll begin to come out on the
terrace/window/gate and give you a nasty look. Don't be disappointed,
that's a good sign. There's no way you can expect any girl to give you
smiles that easily. So she'll give you nasty looks and turn away as soon
as she sees you coming. A month or two like that and then you must "make
the first move". Now things usually work out really good for these
"Phunds" (Literal translation: Male Bee) All those months riding by her
house and you can be sure that you attract attention from more than just
that girl. Chances are there are other Phunds in that nieghbourhood who
have worked on her and fallen short ( ). Birds of a feather flock together-
or peck each other's eyes out. But in order to make this simple I'll
assume that there is no blood shed. That's a big assumption because you
have to be very very lucky if you find a girl without having to kill
somebody. Anyway, this other Phund gets to know you and you become
friends in that period. (very unlikely, but I want to make this
explanation less complicated than it already is)
Usually a first move is throwing a "Perchee" (Piece of paper with your
phone number on it) to her.
IMPORTANT: Never ever look back and and see if she picks it up or not.
If you do that she'll probably tear it up in front of your eyes or stomp
it in the ground.
Or you can get her number by your new found Phund friend or get it from
the line man (50 Rs. should do it!) You can try calling her but she'll
never talk to you-What do you think she is? A whore? If you've been
doing everything right so far, she'll call you. She won't tell you who
she is, she'll probably say she just dialled a wrong number and since
she is bored she's gonna do you a favour and talk to you for a second.
Good! You are almost there! Now everything depends on you. How long you
get her to say that she is the girl that you have been working on for 6
months now. Once you get that out of the way, you can be sure that
she'll call you at every opportunity she gets. Now you'll have endless
converstions on the phone with her, through out the day and the night.
Day in, day out. Convincing her to see you is very hard. If you are
really good she'll probably let you pick her up from her school/college
and drop her off. If you can keep your
hands/tongue/other-offensive-but-extremelly-fun-bodyparts off her,
she'll see you again. But this is where I stop my explanations. Good
luck!
Like I said, I assummed a lot stuff here. There are other extremelly
intricate and sensitive issues you have to watch out for. Like how you
handle the Phund- If you don't handle it correctly you could get hurt.
If you don't handle the line man correctly he'll never give you the
number (Hint: Pretend you don't want it and you don't really care! Don't be aloof either!)
All things said and done, don't underestimate the girl. She's probably
300 times more harmonal than you ever will be!
------------------
THE OTHER ALTERNATIVE:
If you think that you can't do all that for a girl then you can just
wait till some girl who's bored out of her skull calls you. They have
been known to do that. This is how it works out:
Somebody spends 6 months on a girl but it doesn't turn out to be the
most successful thing ever. During that 6 months that guy probably gave
that girl his number fifteen hundered times. If the girl isn't
interested you can be sure that she won't call. You can also bet your
right ball that she'll give that number to her friend and that friend
will ,someday, get bored and call you. If you can be interesting enough
(Don't mention any hands/tongue/other-offensive-but-extremelly-fun-bodyparts to her) she
might even call you again. This thing pretty much follows the same
format except she is calling you. But that doesn't mean you can be
aloof....You have to pretend that it's no skin off your nose if she
doesn't call you again, but at the same time you have to make it
absolutly clear that you'll die if she doesn't call you. It is
confusing, I know, but that's how it works. Thalay to lagnaa paRta hai
naa (Literal Translation: You have to attach yourself underneath
her....This is just a literal translation). GaRee upper uthanay kay
liyay juknaa to paRta hai. (Literal Translation: You have to bend over
to get the jack under the car).
Good way to meet people (Prospective bachee/bachaa) is through your
friends who have already been through the Khoaree process and know other
people who are going through it.
Before I wrap this up, let me tell you about where you might wanna go if
you take her out. Forget all the places on my food page. Not unless you
want 700 people staring at you (makes food drop out of your mouth) There
are some discreet (but nice) eating places in Defense, screw the food,
you want privacy. Olives in Defense used to be good for that but there
are way too many people there now. It's still good if you go there in
the afternoon. Don't go there after 7 p.m if you don't want to run into
your favorate Khala and her 200 little kids.
There are some good places in Gulberg (Omega Center, I think) some
psuedo Italian restaurants. Don't go there after 7 p.m. either, not
unless you want to run into your favorate Phuppo with her 200 little
kids. It's pretty safe to go anywhere in the afternoon (Except Copper
Kettle where Khoaar people go to hunt down "dates") At night, it's
better just to drive around in the car.
This is getting way to long and I don't think there's anyway I could
tell you everything about this extremelly complicated "Bachaa/Bachee"
deal in Lahore. Good luck, have fun
