The Gurkhas are a fearless lot of Nepal and they are also residents of India and are part of the Indian, British and Nepal armies.
They are stereotypically taken to be hardworking but a wee bit slow in the uptake!
Are they? Here's something that may amuse you
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THE GURKHA AND THE STAFF COLLEGE (like the Command and General Staff Course of the US)
This is a story that I heard when I came to command my battalion.
Naturally, since this had happened before my time, or alleged to have happened, I cannot vouch for its veracity. Nevertheless, it is worth retelling.
This is about a hardworking, diligent, sincere and a soft spoken Gurkha officer, who spoke very little since he was told in his childhood that “A wise old owl sat in an oak, The more he heard, the less he spoke; The less he spoke, the more he heard; Why aren't we all like that wise old bird?
He wanted to be a wise old bird, if nothing else.
He studied hard and as the story goes, some say he won a Gold Medal in Academics in his school. He he passed the NDA examination (first stage to become an officer), went through the rigmarole of cadets training in the IMA (like West Point) and lo and behold!, he was commissioned and given the finest regiment of the Indian Army – the MAHAR Regiment (Ahem!). Of course, he didn’t know it then, but hopefully he knows it now!
He slogged through the initial years with quiet fortitude and he reached the magical rank of a Major. The rank is magical since that is the first time one understands what is the Army all about because till then, it is a mere running around the countryside like the monkey chasing the weasel!
He did well in all ranks and appointment he held, but since he was the quiet stereotype of a Gurkha, hardly anyone acknowledged his contribution. Nonetheless, he was satisfied since he believed in Vivekananda (an India sage) who believed that satisfaction was not doing what one likes, but liking what one does. Of course, it is true that Vivekananda had not told him so personally; his teacher had told him so; but being the good Gurkha he never asked his teacher who told the teacher so. He took it as the Gospel truth and he believed in this Gospel.
As is wont, there was this hullabaloo in the Station amongst the Majors whenever it is the time for applying for the Staff College exam. This Gurkha officer had heard about this Staff College exam but being the regimental officer that he was, he never displayed undue inquisitiveness in things that did not concern him. He was not the typical unit officer who archetypically indulges in gossip and schemes ways how to sort the CO (Commanding Offier) out.
Still, he was not totally dumb a chap. He knew that it had something to do with career enhancement like the Retention, Part A,B,C and D exams, though when he joined the Army, the Army realised that if there were too many exams then it would be difficult to promote officers to the next rank; and so did away with nearly all! That is why, he realised that any Tom, Dick and Harry could become a Colonel so long as he passed the exams and yes, now he realised that Staff College was an important input too, if not the most important of them all! He also knew that it was best to keep one’s counsel in addition, since most seniors had inflated egos that required its daily massage. That way, he was a clever little tick.
Now he understood the reason for the buzz amongst the Majors in the Station.
Diligent that he was, he looked about the AOs (Army Orders) on the Staff College exams and the AIs (Army Instructions which are basically on the financial aspects) too (lest something was there too since the Army was a mysterious organisation that was bent on complicating the simplest of things).
Fortunately, the Queens Regulations (no longer valid after Independence) was not there, or else he would have read that too, lest someone felt he was not a diligent and a sincere chap. He had to keep up with his reputation, after all.
He read it all and then he filled the application and put it up through proper channels to the CO. He forgot all about it thereafter, knowing that the CO was an equally diligent, sincere and hardworking soul, who would forward it to whoever it concerned and the whole process would have been set into motion.
But, what happened?
The application reached the CO, who that day was distraught since the Commander had been a bit prickly and unfair. So, the CO was not in the best of moods and was hunting for some excuse to let off steam.
The CO flipped through the dak (official mail) and then jumped out of the CO’s chair!
In front of him lay the Gurkha officer’s application for the Staff College exam!
He picked it up, felt it, smelt it, re-read it, checked the name again and then yelled, “Maj X ko bolao” (Call Maj X).
It was the turn of the stick orderly to jump. He had never heard the CO ever yell since this CO was the “command by persuasion and sweetness” type of leader who spoke softly but carried a big stick and was known as “Roosevelt” by those who did not know him, but had heard of him.
Sure enough Maj X arrived, all smartness and the personification of Gorkha robotlike precision, right down to the click of his heels.
Clicking his heels, he saluted.
The CO waved, indicating that he should be seated, since in the opinion of the CO, it was so extraordinary a situation and that it would take long time to apply the persuasion and sweetness style of his.
Maj X was taken aback. The CO asking that an officer sit down? That an officer had been called, in itself was more than extraordinary, and to sit down would mean that the sky was about to fall on his head!
So, he decided to maintain military protocol as per the Rules and Regulations and not sit down, but stand ramrod straight, breathing ever so gently to maintain the decorum and dignity of the hallowed office!
The CO had come from a different regiment and so he knew all about Gurkhas. He realised that this would be a tricky nut to crack and so he had to apply the third degree, which to him, was yet another yell, “Sit down, Bacche”. Sit down, Child)
Maj X winched! Not because of the yell, but because the yell and the word "Bacche" was incongruous and this command by persuasion and sweetness style was becoming real ridiculously ridiculous! But, he said nothing and instead sat down.
“Bacche, what is this I see before me?” the CO asked in the most mellifluous of tone and thrust Maj X’s application into Maj X’s hand.
Maj X looked at it. Obviously it was not Banco’s ghost. It was his application. He was thunderstruck as to how the CO seemed to have forgotten the English language and the alphabets! Even those who used the word "Bacche" knew English!
“Sir, it is my application for the Staff College exam”.
“That I see”.
Maj X decidedly beamed hearing that; at least the CO had not forgotten English! But doubts crept into his mind. If the CO saw and understood what he saw, where was the problem to sign the document? Or did he wanted a certificate for the CO to sign which read, “I have read it and sign it as correct” as they do for Cs of I (Courts of Inquiry). The CO was a bit of a legal chap and so it was not beyond his wanting such a certificate.
Some Mother have funny children, Maj X had nearly blurted!
Some more silence ensued.
“Maj X, are you serious about this?”
“About what, sir?”
“About applying for the Staff College, Bacche”, replied the CO.
“Yes sir, I am” replied Maj X.
The CO was a mathematics oriented man. He loved statistics too. Now, what if Maj X failed? After all, Gurkhas were not known to be too hot in studies, his statistical mind informed him. It would not look good in the Annual Inspection Folder. The CO was also a regimental soul. He could never let the regiment or the unit down! The unit uber alles was his motto. And yet, it would be unfair to not let the officer’s application go through, Gurkha or no Gurkha.
More silence ensued as the CO pondered.
The CO switched on his glassiest of smiles (which was so rare since his normal demeanour was like brass monkey weather , being a serious soul) and called in for two cups of coffee and literally mewed in the true “command by persuasion and sweetness” style.
The coffee came and the CO warmed up to the pep talk session.
“Maj X, Gurkhas make fine soldiers. Nowadays, they are also making fine officers. Yet, statistically not many make it to Staff College and higher education. Why press your luck? Aren’t you satisfied and thankful to God that you, amongst so many, are an officer and a damn good officer at that?”
Maj X sat back and blinked his eyelid and gazed back blankly as if in meditation and said nothing, and continued to say nothing, and instead gaze as blank as ever, just to rub in the stereotyped Gurkha image that the British had injected into their successors the Indians.
Minutes ticked and more of the blank gaze continued.
More minutes of blank gazing and the CO had enough of this blinkity blank silence and the beatific gaze in total serenity from this Gurkha.
It was enough of tomfoolery for the day for the CO.
He hollered, “OK, so that’s it?”
Maj X replied, “Sir”. The CO could take it anyway – yes or no.
And that ended the interview………
The application was signed.
It proved that Gautama the Buddha was indeed a Nepali. Nirvana could only be achieved through silence and meditation!
But that is not the end of the story.
When the results came, it was only Maj X who had passed the Staff College exam in the Station and everyone else had failed!
So, Looks can be deceptive. Stereotypes are also fallacious. Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
And Maj X had the last laugh!
He, who laughs last, laughs the best
And he is still laughing all the way up the ranks!
