Bombay
Bombay is the world's largest "reproduction" party. It produces about 87% of the country's population, of which 67% are born in Dharavi. Located off the shores of western France, Bombay is a perpetual paradise of over 20 million drunken sods who stay in the region and make merry all year round.
The city was founded when a huge "Bomb" exploded in a "Bay" off the coast of the Arabian Sea. Hence, it came to be known as "BomBay". The British then arrived at the scene and realized that it was a perfect place to test bombs. Even now, it is used as a bomb test site with terrorists regularly testing their bombs in the city by blowing off Bombay's suburban railways. But, no matter how much carnage these bombs cause, the party in the city still goes on.
Most of the people there may look impoverished, homeless and malnourished, but this is all hearsay and nothing to the effect has been confirmed.
Bombay is also the worlds largest exporter of underworld dons and nagging wives. Now even dance bar gals to its neighbouring states.
Its mafia training institute is credited with inventing weapons of mass destruction like sticks, stones and very loud farts.
This area is also home to the Bombay Company, who provide premium furniture at affordable prices.
Home to millions of tigers, Bombay recently forgot its name. Now, people (are forced to) call it Mumbai, which is a compound Irish insult 'Your Mum, boy!' - 'Ur Mumboy' - 'Mumbai!' The former name "Bombay" was coined by the 'step father of evolutionary biology' Charles Darwin, referring to the bay around the city, which in the early 19th century was full of Bombay Duck, a type of sparrow. Bombay Duck Bay was thereafter shortened to Bombay, from which the nearby city takes its name.
Bombay has also witnessed the biggest example of sex change in the world i.e. The VICTORIA terminus is now known as Chhatrapati SHIVAJI terminus, but somehow, the folks here are still confused and refer to HIM (CST) as HER (VT).
Recent analysts of the city say that the fact it has no roads is definitely a drawback to its infrastructure. Another problem the city faces is the rising cost of land, however this has been combated by the City government selling underwater land to balance the prices. This land is dirt cheap, apparently going for one pound of rice and a nice hot Dal (market price 2/12/2006).
One of Bombay's greatest attractions is Lord Voldermort's castle. After J.K. Rowling's adult films about a sex starved young wizard became famous, the world wrongly believed Voldy, as he likes to be called, to be a downright meanie. Voldy then left his five-bedroom villa which he shared with Tony Blair in Sussex and came to reside in Bombay, where the local people have added him to the their multitudinous pantheon of gods. Tours through the castle cost a small $5.134534467 and are responsible for India's bullish economy.
Like most people in neighboring Pakistan, the city of Bombay only bathes once in a year. The bath usually starts around June and ends in August and is called the mon-soon (French for 'my ***').
The plumber however, invariably fucks up the taps every year, resulting in extreme amounts of water (11542321.9 mm in 0.1 nanosecs) leading to the unfortunate deaths of many Bollywood starlets and 3.14159 cows. The havoc reached its peak in 2005, when the flooding was so massive it killed 3.15 cows, 2 homeless men and a van filled with curry powder. The van has been found and is the current CEO of AOL. Bombay has started a project to increase the number of cows. Seeing the reproduction capability of people, it has employed people to have sex with the remaining cows and produce "cow-men"(the bollywood version of superman)
Bombay is also famous for its standard of living. Its suburb, Dharavi, is often called the Manhattan of Asia. Its resemblance to Manhattan is nearly complete: huge skyscrapers, massive overcrowding, rats in the plumbing and abusive taxi drivers (though not in the plumbing). Property prices have also been increasing rapidly. Recently, a family paid their lifetime savings(4 cows and a cot) for a prime piece of pavement.
There are many thieves in Mumbai, they are known as Biharis and as soon as they arrive in the city the surprise of seeing electricity makes them resort to their genetic instinct of stealing and spitting. Raj Thackeray rightly wants to eliminate these biharis as he was once raped by a bihari as a child and now suffers from erectile dysfunction.
[edit] Richest person in Mumbai(Bombay)
"In the most conspicuous sign yet of India's unprecedented prosperity, the country's richest man, Bhikari Ambani, is building a new home in the financial hub of Mumbai: a 25654-story palace with helipad, health club and six floors of dog parking," reports The Guardian newspaper.
The building, named Tower of Babel after a mythical island, will have a total floor area greater than Versailles and be home for Mr Bhikari, his mother, wife, 48 children and 600 full-time staff. The accompanying pic is that of his impoverished brother, who is an aspiring movie magnate and to save money, movies has decided to act himself in his movies. Here, he is seen rehearsing for the role of a Maharajah. He will run the international marathon every year to raise funds to buy him 10 new pairs of underwears.
The most fucked up guy in Bombay has the name 'Pranav Sanghavi'. A purely irritating rascal and a pain in the ***, he can make you a victim of suicidal tendencies if you hear too much of his trash talk. He is extremely possessive about his luggage as if he carries his most precious parts (brain, dick, that's if he has either of them) in his suitcases. Watch out for such assholes.
The Local Trains of Bombay (Mumbai) also known as the 'Human Compacting System' were invented during the British Raj, when the Gora Sahibs decided that the people of Bombay are in danger of losing their bonding and togetherness and should be brought closer to each other, and to find out how many humans could be squeezed into minimum space. At peak times, the system achieves high packing efficiency, the current record being 425.7745 humans per square inch, surpassing all their expectations. The system is also a virtual part of life of the people of Bombay, akin to Trafficking in Bangalore
There is no guarantee what you are gonna come with out of a local train. After you get down from the train, you might have lost your cell phone, wallet or anything (often, everything) in your pockets. Sometimes, you might need to check if your limbs are still intact. On the contrary, you will never lose a backpack, briefcase or a similar item if you forget one in a train. Reason being, flickers value their lives more than anything and an unattended item in Bombay = BOMBayyyyy!!!
