Articles: Starstruck over the US — just as I once was in China

[tonyget]

Starstruck over the US -- just as I once was in China | Speaking of China


“Everything is so great here in the US!” said this young woman from Jiangsu. She gushed like a girl talking about her first crush, right down to the blush on her cheeks and the glimmer in her eyes. And in a way, maybe it was a crush to her — a “business-trip-to-the-US” crush.

We met her while waiting for a changing room to open up at an Adidas outlet. Even though the conditions in the store seemed like hell — only three changing rooms and endless customers streaming in through the doors — the conditions outside bordered on heavenly. An azure sky, sunshine, the trees dressed in their finest autumn scarlet and gold and orange, and throngs of happy shoppers. In the beauty of that day, I even began to forget the sadness of the past 24 hours.

But when I heard her praise the US, a part of me shuddered. After all of the hardship that John and I experienced in this country, I just could never endorse the idea that everything was just fabulous here. And given the recent government shutdown — which has locked up the local national park where I once found solace and comfort in daily hikes — I wasn’t alone in my feelings.

Yet, before I brought John to the US, wasn’t I — in a sense — as starstruck as this young Chinese woman? Once upon a time, I spun my own personal fairytale version of a happily ever after with John in the US. The fact that John was once denied a tourist visa to come over to the US only strengthened my conviction that, somehow, if I could just bring him over here, everything would be better. But things unravelled as the years in this country passed and the disappointments piled up — until I had not a single thread of that fairytale left.

What I had left was a lot of guilt. I remembered how John’s father told me, “When you’re far away from us in the US, you’ll have to take care of him.” Even though it was completely and utterly irrational, I felt responsible for every terrible thing that happened to John.

Sometimes life lets you down. But it doesn’t mean that I’m down or John is down. And it also doesn’t mean that I have to bring someone else down because of it.

So when she gushed about the US, I just smiled and nodded. “I’m glad you’re having a good time.”

Who knows if she’ll feel the same way days or even years later? And who knows if I’ll feel the same? But I do know this — her happiness somehow touched me, and reminded me that perhaps my happiness will eventually come in time.

 

[Hamartia Antidote]

It depends upon your situation.
If you have an education and can find a nice paying job life in the US can be awesome.
If you don't have the above two then life in the US can be stressful.

Probably the same in any country.
Edit:
For instance my wife came over from China. Within 4 years she had a beautiful brand new home (not an apartment an actual house on some land) within 12 miles of the downtown of a major city. She has a garden out back and green grass and trees...something she says she could never have in China.

Similar to this:

 

[tonyget]

It depends upon your situation.
If you have an education and can find a nice paying job life in the US can be awesome.
If you don't have the above two then life in the US can be stressful.

Probably the same in any country.
Edit:
For instance my wife came over from China. Within 4 years she had a beautiful brand new home (not an apartment an actual house on some land) within 8 miles of the downtown of a major city. She has a garden out back and green grass and trees...something she says she could never have in China.

Money is not everything, I sometimes feel that asians are too obsessed with materialistic pursuits rather than happiness

 

[Hamartia Antidote]

Money is not everything, I sometimes feel that asians are too obsessed with materialistic pursuits rather than happiness

That can be true for all societies.

Some people perceive happiness in different ways. Her happiness was just her little corner of the planet where she can do as she wishes and nobody else can trample it.

BTW not sure how many years it took for her to finally walk outside in the grass without shoes. Seems like a big no-no for Chinese.

 

[LeveragedBuyout]

Starstruck over the US -- just as I once was in China | Speaking of China


“Everything is so great here in the US!” said this young woman from Jiangsu. She gushed like a girl talking about her first crush, right down to the blush on her cheeks and the glimmer in her eyes. And in a way, maybe it was a crush to her — a “business-trip-to-the-US” crush.

We met her while waiting for a changing room to open up at an Adidas outlet. Even though the conditions in the store seemed like hell — only three changing rooms and endless customers streaming in through the doors — the conditions outside bordered on heavenly. An azure sky, sunshine, the trees dressed in their finest autumn scarlet and gold and orange, and throngs of happy shoppers. In the beauty of that day, I even began to forget the sadness of the past 24 hours.

But when I heard her praise the US, a part of me shuddered. After all of the hardship that John and I experienced in this country, I just could never endorse the idea that everything was just fabulous here. And given the recent government shutdown — which has locked up the local national park where I once found solace and comfort in daily hikes — I wasn’t alone in my feelings.

Yet, before I brought John to the US, wasn’t I — in a sense — as starstruck as this young Chinese woman? Once upon a time, I spun my own personal fairytale version of a happily ever after with John in the US. The fact that John was once denied a tourist visa to come over to the US only strengthened my conviction that, somehow, if I could just bring him over here, everything would be better. But things unravelled as the years in this country passed and the disappointments piled up — until I had not a single thread of that fairytale left.

What I had left was a lot of guilt. I remembered how John’s father told me, “When you’re far away from us in the US, you’ll have to take care of him.” Even though it was completely and utterly irrational, I felt responsible for every terrible thing that happened to John.

Sometimes life lets you down. But it doesn’t mean that I’m down or John is down. And it also doesn’t mean that I have to bring someone else down because of it.

So when she gushed about the US, I just smiled and nodded. “I’m glad you’re having a good time.”

Who knows if she’ll feel the same way days or even years later? And who knows if I’ll feel the same? But I do know this — her happiness somehow touched me, and reminded me that perhaps my happiness will eventually come in time.

Sorry, who is John, and what happened to him in the US?

 

[tonyget]

Sorry, who is John, and what happened to him in the US?

I'm afraid you need to ask the author

 

[Hamartia Antidote]

Basically you have a better chance in the US of living better if you have this kind of a job (usually requiring a college degree):
White-collar worker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

However if you don't have a college degree you may end up in one of these kinds of jobs (where Unions can come into the picture) and more likely have a stressful existence.
Blue-collar worker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Pink-collar worker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

So the goal is to get a good education to help avoid the blue/pink collar situations. Unfortunately many young people have not figured this out yet and don't seriously think of the ramifications of not going to college.
They then wonder where their American Dream went.

 

[tonyget]

Basically you have a better chance in the US of living better if you have this kind of a job (usually requiring a college degree):
White-collar worker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

However if you don't have a college degree you may end up in one of these kinds of jobs (where Unions can come into the picture) and more likely have a stressful existence.
Blue-collar worker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Pink-collar worker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

So the goal is to get a good education to help avoid the blue/pink collar situations. Unfortunately many young people have not figured this out yet and don't seriously think of the ramifications of not going to college.
They then wonder where their American Dream went.

Blue collar job doesn't mean low income

In fact, skilled manual worker such as electrician/plumber/mechanic etc earn much more than average white collar office worker. This is true for both China and NewZealand, and I'm sure it's the same in America.

 

[DarkElf]

Money is not everything, I sometimes feel that asians are too obsessed with materialistic pursuits rather than happiness

It's hard to pursue happiness when you don't have enough money to go to doctor, kid school, etc2.

You need to remember, most of Asian countries don't have good social net and just recently most of that country is a poor country. When someone grows up in poor family, usually they will put more emphasis on materialistic pursuit.

Give it more time, after 1-2 generation, when the country is rich long enough or the Asian immigrant already used to their new country social net, their attitude will change, at least will be more similar to their surrounding society.

 

[tranquilium]

Basically you have a better chance in the US of living better if you have this kind of a job (usually requiring a college degree):
White-collar worker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

However if you don't have a college degree you may end up in one of these kinds of jobs (where Unions can come into the picture) and more likely have a stressful existence.
Blue-collar worker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Pink-collar worker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

So the goal is to get a good education to help avoid the blue/pink collar situations. Unfortunately many young people have not figured this out yet and don't seriously think of the ramifications of not going to college.
They then wonder where their American Dream went.

General Education is one of the most important forces that moved society from feudalism to modern era. Sadly that hundreds of years later there are still people insisting it isn't important. Every time I heard people quoting "so so isn't good at school, but become successful anyway", I just seriously want to ask, don't you realize why they have to put a "anyway" at the end of that statement? Success without education is considered uncommon enough to singled out. BTW, Einstein wasn't bad at math, the class he had trouble in school was French.

 

[tonyget]

It's hard to pursue happiness when you don't have enough money to go to doctor, kid school, etc2.

You need to remember, most of Asian countries don't have good social net and just recently most of that country is a poor country. When someone grows up in poor family, usually they will put more emphasis on materialistic pursuit.

Give it more time, after 1-2 generation, when the country is rich long enough or the Asian immigrant already used to their new country social net, their attitude will change, at least will be more similar to their surrounding society.

East asians(Japanese/Koreans/Singaporean/HKer etc) are highly materialistic, but East Asia isn't poor, how do you interpret that ?

 

[Hamartia Antidote]

Blue collar job doesn't mean low income

In fact, skilled manual worker such as electrician/plumber/mechanic etc earn much more than average white collar office worker. This is true for both China and NewZealand, and I'm sure it's the same in America.

It isn't a 100% guarantee of anything. There are plenty of plumbers doing well. However you are more likely to do worse if you do not have white collar credentials simply because you have excluded yourself from a large number of jobs. When you look for a new job you can't even get an interview since your limited credentials stops you cold at the door. The white collar jobs on average will probably pay higher than the others.

Besides if a high paying blue opens up the white collar person can always grab it too. Of course he actually may not get hired due to being considered over qualified. You could always trim your resume.

 

[DarkElf]

East asians(Japanese/Koreans/Singaporean/HKer etc) are highly materialistic, but East Asia isn't poor, how do you interpret that ?

Maybe because their country just getting rich in the last 30-40 years. Most of the older generation still alive, they remember the memory when they are poor and manage to impart that memory to their descendant. How good an East Asian country social security net compare to a Western country? Also how long they already have/enjoy the social security net compare to Western citizen?


btw just realize something, how do you define materialistic vs pursuit of happiness? Traveling around the world, shopping, saving while living frugally, owning plenty of house/asset, pursuing career? Is warren buffet materialistic or pursuing his version of happiness? What if both is the same?