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A Parently Obvious: I'm going to Pakistan
Abbey Doyle, Courier & PressPublished 1:44 p.m. CT March 2, 2018 | Updated 2:10 p.m.
I’m leaving for Pakistan in less than a week and will be away from my two young children, husband and work for more than two weeks.
What was your first reaction to that?
The reaction I’ve gotten from many hasn’t been overwhelming excitement.
“You’re doing what?”
“I can’t believe you are going to do that!”
“I could never leave my kids for that long.”
“That’s something I’d do when I was younger but never now that I have kids.”
When I first heard about the opportunity at the end of January, my first instinct was, “Yes! What an amazing opportunity. I certainly can’t turn this down. It’ll be great personally and professionally.”
Those thoughts though came tumbling down, piece by piece, when I heard others reactions and judgments about this decision.
I started instead to think, “What are you thinking? This is the worst idea ever. How could you do that to your children? Your husband? You can’t leave them alone! How will they survive without you? How selfish!”
via GIPHY
My husband’s reaction was somewhere in the middle. I presented the idea of the fellowship through the International Center for Journalists, time away from home and the two boys (6 and 3) and how I think it would be good for me.
“Go for it,” he says enthusiastically (well as enthusiastic as Michael gets about things.)
“Do you mean that or are you just saying it?” I ask, ensuring he’s truly all in.
“No. I really mean it. Do it. I want you to do it if you think it would be good for you, and you want to do it.”
“Cool,” I say. “So, one more thing. … It’s in Pakistan.”
“…”
“Honey?” I ask cautiously.
“Of course it’s in Pakistan,” he replied, perhaps adding a colorful word or two in there. “It couldn’t be in some non-third world country. They don’t have one of these in like Canada or someplace relatively safe?”
via GIPHY
And then, and I know he was being silly, he said, “You better not go over there and get killed because I can’t raise our two animal, heathen children all by myself.”
Doubt, guilt, fear of judgment, they were seeping in.
Those are all real things. I think guilt must be hard-wired into moms, or maybe it’s just me. Often I question or second-guess myself or a decision or feel guilty for focusing attention on myself instead of the boys. And a complementary beast to that guilt is judgment. Maybe I feel guilty because I see, hear or sense judgment from others about my decision.
via GIPHY
But, you know what, this opportunity is great for my kids. Yes, those 17 days are going to be tough (for them and me) but we are all going to gain a lot too. They are going to get to see mom be adventurous and brave. They are going to learn more about a new country and culture. (Miles has been talking about Pakistan, and we’ve watched countless YouTube videos about it since I told him last week.) They will get extra time with my saint of a mother who is making this possible by helping with the boys.
I will return home refocused, renewed and rested. A co-worker joked that I have to go all the way to Pakistan to get some sleep. I will have the opportunity to meet and work with some amazing people. And I’ll get the chance to bring the stories of Pakistan back to you. Check out courierpress.com and our App for updates on my trip.
Khuda hafiz.
Abbey Doyle is the metro editor at the Courier & Press. She is married to Michael Doyle and mom to Miles, 6, and Owen, 3. Reach her at abbey.doyle@courierpress.com.
Abbey Doyle, Courier & PressPublished 1:44 p.m. CT March 2, 2018 | Updated 2:10 p.m.
I’m leaving for Pakistan in less than a week and will be away from my two young children, husband and work for more than two weeks.
What was your first reaction to that?
The reaction I’ve gotten from many hasn’t been overwhelming excitement.
“You’re doing what?”
“I can’t believe you are going to do that!”
“I could never leave my kids for that long.”
“That’s something I’d do when I was younger but never now that I have kids.”
When I first heard about the opportunity at the end of January, my first instinct was, “Yes! What an amazing opportunity. I certainly can’t turn this down. It’ll be great personally and professionally.”
Those thoughts though came tumbling down, piece by piece, when I heard others reactions and judgments about this decision.
I started instead to think, “What are you thinking? This is the worst idea ever. How could you do that to your children? Your husband? You can’t leave them alone! How will they survive without you? How selfish!”
via GIPHY
My husband’s reaction was somewhere in the middle. I presented the idea of the fellowship through the International Center for Journalists, time away from home and the two boys (6 and 3) and how I think it would be good for me.
“Go for it,” he says enthusiastically (well as enthusiastic as Michael gets about things.)
“Do you mean that or are you just saying it?” I ask, ensuring he’s truly all in.
“No. I really mean it. Do it. I want you to do it if you think it would be good for you, and you want to do it.”
“Cool,” I say. “So, one more thing. … It’s in Pakistan.”
“…”
“Honey?” I ask cautiously.
“Of course it’s in Pakistan,” he replied, perhaps adding a colorful word or two in there. “It couldn’t be in some non-third world country. They don’t have one of these in like Canada or someplace relatively safe?”
via GIPHY
And then, and I know he was being silly, he said, “You better not go over there and get killed because I can’t raise our two animal, heathen children all by myself.”
Doubt, guilt, fear of judgment, they were seeping in.
Those are all real things. I think guilt must be hard-wired into moms, or maybe it’s just me. Often I question or second-guess myself or a decision or feel guilty for focusing attention on myself instead of the boys. And a complementary beast to that guilt is judgment. Maybe I feel guilty because I see, hear or sense judgment from others about my decision.
via GIPHY
But, you know what, this opportunity is great for my kids. Yes, those 17 days are going to be tough (for them and me) but we are all going to gain a lot too. They are going to get to see mom be adventurous and brave. They are going to learn more about a new country and culture. (Miles has been talking about Pakistan, and we’ve watched countless YouTube videos about it since I told him last week.) They will get extra time with my saint of a mother who is making this possible by helping with the boys.
I will return home refocused, renewed and rested. A co-worker joked that I have to go all the way to Pakistan to get some sleep. I will have the opportunity to meet and work with some amazing people. And I’ll get the chance to bring the stories of Pakistan back to you. Check out courierpress.com and our App for updates on my trip.
Khuda hafiz.
Abbey Doyle is the metro editor at the Courier & Press. She is married to Michael Doyle and mom to Miles, 6, and Owen, 3. Reach her at abbey.doyle@courierpress.com.
