Dawood Ibrahim
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EVEN as Indian newspapers scream about rapes and assaults on women happening with increasing frequency, and the fairer sex feel more and more insecure to step out of their homes, in a country where male chauvinism is learning to aggressively flourish, thankfully the Holy Cow is moving out of the confines of its shelters, and being found in increasing numbers, boldly feeding in garbage dumps, strolling fearlessly on the middle of roads and literally nuzzling its way into every nook and cranny of the crowded country, as they have now been made a protected species!
Videos of foreigners being beaten up by locals, because they shoed a nosy cow from rummaging through their picnic baskets, is doing the rounds. The government is also issuing a unique identification card for every cow throughout the country, so no one messes with these four legged creatures who are revered as gods.
Priests are being asked, how their followers can become cows in their next birth as it seems to be much more lucrative than being born a human once more. Women’s organizations have started showing interest in the fact that this cud chewing animal is now safer than they are in India!
“It’s certainly better being a cow than a woman!” said a representative of one of these groups, “In fact we are wondering whether we should design and create cow masks and distribute it to our lady members all over the country, who feel unsafe while returning from work, at their workplace or maybe just wear it all the time!”
“I don’t know about wearing cow masks!” said a political leader, “but somehow I like the idea of women being equipped with long cow tails!” “You mean tucked into their sari?” asked a TV journalist.
“Either tucked, or wound round their waist,” said the politician thoughtfully, “just imagine, in one twist and twirl we’ve made women safe! All they have to do when facing hostile men is unwind their tail, and they will be treated like goddesses!” Not to be outdone, another ‘Protect your Woman’ association has made a phone app that when pressed starts mooing. “They can even press it in the middle of a conversation they are having with an aggressive male!” said the app maker, “It will go off like a siren. We are sure this Moo Movement will be an overnight success!”
Meanwhile cow vigilantes; men who roam the country, protecting the bovine creature, are not too happy with all these cowgirl measures, “We can’t waste our time running to protect a woman who is mooing, or someone wearing a cow mask, who is being attacked,“ they said with disdain, “Our duty is to protect holy cows, not ordinary women! We are not interested!”
So, let us watch and wait, and see what other methods the poor women of India employ to be safe in their country. Maybe wearing protective horns could be a better alternative to moos, masks and tails..!
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