Well this one is tough. Af-Pak is bada*ss neighbourhood. Who is is the big daddy bad*asss of them all? Lemme sum 'em up.
Afghanistan
(i) Fighting with superpowers. One after another. That is reeeespect man!
(ii) Fighting each other in between. Euro'2016 fans eat your heart. Come to
Hell-mand and find out what real hooligans do. Play soccer with severed heads.
(iii) Entire nation stoned with all sort of intoxicants.
(iv) Known the world over for being bad. Now even more famous after having sorted out the American *faggot* problem. Orlando Pulse Bar ring bell?
No Sir, I am a
Afghan. I killed 50 faggots.
Pakistan
(i) Cool is the middle name of Pakistan. Why? Well because it is Muslim. It is so Muslim, so sure it is the Muslim, that it would give god lessons in being Muslim. That makes it seriously cool.
(ii) Friends? No need of anymore. When you have like 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Chinese with you what else you need?
(iii) Pakistan has F-16s. Yes I said F-16s. I hear you say "so"? Dozens of countries have F-16s. Yes but these F-16s are flown by seriously cool guy's who are Pakistani. That makes them real cool.
(iv) But I hear you say this is not patch to Afghanistan. Well killing faggots is bad. But tell me which country keeps the President of the sole superpower
awake all night long. Pakistan. President Obama has not had one night of
sleep since he took over at the White House because he has nightmares about Pakistan. So he should. This country can beat ebay or Alibaba or Wal-Mart or even McDonalds. You can buy nukes from McNukes franchize and order Big McNuke or if you want to go all the way and want
real big bang you can order Big McNuke XXX with Mushhrooms cloud on the side. Paypal orders accepted or payment through Sharia compliant banks only please. US dollars are readily accepted.
The winner ladies and gents is Pakistan. But Afghanistan don't despair. You have time to catch up.
Ps. My comments are meant as lighted hearted as OP wanted - so nobody take any of this seriously and get constipated about anything I said.
No beer in this world is capable of producing detergent grade froth. 
I've been hearing plenty of reports of alleged connections between Iran and the Taliban over the last few months. You also need to school yourself on how Afghan refugees are treated in Iran. We all regularly hear about the persecution Afghan refugees face in Pakistan, but little is heard about how Afghan refugees are dealt with in Iran.
