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Discussion in 'Members Club' started by EagleEyes, Nov 11, 2005.
I like this thread! :thumbsup:
can this joke be considered as anti-semetic ?
Though a joke thats having some serious meaning in it.
An English church minister was seated next to a Sardarji on a flight to Mumbai. After the plane was airborne, orders for drinks were taken.
The Sardarji asked for a rum and coke, which was poured and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the church minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Sardarji then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."
A Hell of a Decision
A man dies and goes straight to Hell. The devil greets him and immediately makes him face a big decision: "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever room you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll finally go to heaven after years of waiting and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."
The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped over and over again. In the second room is a man strapped to a table being subjected to Chinese water torture. Finally, in the third room is a man sitting in a chair while being pleasured by a beautiful woman.
"I choose this room!" the man says.
"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder. "You can go now. I've found you're replacement."
Tattoos for the Holidays
A most distinguished looking lady walks into a tattoo parlor, and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated woman in his seedy tattoo shop, goes over to the woman immediately and asks if he can help her. To his shock, and utter delight, she lifts her designer dress, and points to her left inner thigh—very high up. “Right here,” she says, “I want you to tattoo a turkey with the word ‘Thanksgiving’ under it.”
Then she points to her right inner thigh—just as high up—and says, “On this side, I want you to tattoo a Christmas tree, with lights and tinsel, and an angel on top. And underneath the tree I want the word ‘Christmas.’”
The tattoo artist looks at her, puzzled. He says, “Lady, it’s none of my business, but that is the most unusual request I have ever had. Why in the world would you want that?” “Well,” the lady said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's never anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”
Drugs & Circular Logic
Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”
Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.
“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.
“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”
“I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”
The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”
“One hundred! How?” asks the judge. “Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your a$$ho!e before prison...’”
The Awkward Sunburn
To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his penis.
Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, the young man’s sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.
A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief. The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that’s how you load those things!"
Payback the Cabbie
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he'd be able to get home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, even offering his credit card numbers, drivers license number, address, and so forth, but to no avail. The cabbie yelled, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to catch a ride back to the airport.
Naturally, sitting at the end of a long line of cabs was his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the driver pay for his lack of charity, when he came up with the perfect plan.
He got in the first cab in line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he finally got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
The Nurse's Examination
A man is lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A beautiful young nurse arrives to sponge his hands and feet. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the oxygen mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don’t know, I’m only here to wash your hands and feet."
Struggling, he again asks the nurse, "Are my testicles black?" Finally, she raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand, holds his testicles in the other, takes a close look, and says, "There’s nothing wrong with them!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice, but, are my test results back."
The Perfect Gentleman
During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant." And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "
Ha ha too gooddddd
Sardar Jee to wife: How embarrasing the invitation card said " Black Tie only" when i reached the party everyone was wearing suites too.
There were two firends takin Chem. Both did well on all the quizzes,
> >the labs and midterm, therefore they were goin into the final each
> >with a solid A. They were so confident the weekend b4 the final that
> >they decided to party all night. They overslept all day on Sunday
> >and got back too late to study for the Chemistry final that was
> >scheduled on Monday morning. Rather than take the final unprepared,
> >they went to the professor with a sob story. They each said they had
> >gone on a trip and had planned to come back in good time to study
> >for the final but had had a flat tire on the way back. Because they
> >didnt have a spare, they spent most of the night looking for help.
> >They asked if they could have a makeup final the next day. The
> >professor thought it over and agreed.
> >The two studied all of Monday evening and came well prepared on
> >Tuesday morning. The professor placed them in separate rooms and
> >handed the test to each. The first question on the first page was
> >worth 10marks was very easy. Each of them wrote a good answer. and
> >greatly relieved, turned the page. It had just one question, worth
> >90 marks. It was "Which Tyre?"