Supply&Demand
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TOI Mocktale: Come to India Hafiz Saeed, well protect you
After Pakistani terror mastermind HafizSaeed invited Shah Rukh Khan to Pakistan, the Indian government has been quick to return the gesture.
Saeed had said Khan can move to Pakistan if he does not feel safe in India.
Mocktale intercepted (yeah, we're that awesome) Indian government's reply to Saeed. Excerpts of the letter:
Dear Mr Saeed
Thank you for your magnanimous gesture in inviting Shah Rukh Khan to your country. Perhaps you didn't see his film 'My Name is Khan'. Allow us to elaborate. In the film, he clearly says his "name is Khan" and he's "not a terrorist".
Considering this shocking lack of terrorist skills and little or no thirst for human blood, Mr Khan will obviously feel a little out of place in your company. Therefore, we regret to inform you that the actor has declined to accept your invitation. Besides, he has some weddings to, err, attend.
However, we the people of India would like to reciprocate your lovely gesture. Considering the constant blasts and Taliban attacks in Pakistan, we urge you to move to India. We're much safer. We'll even protect you from Taliban and al-Qaida.
In fact, we already have a lovely room waiting for you. I believe you knew the previous occupant, a certain Mr Ajmal Kasab. He has vacated the room as he didn't want to hang around anymore.
Like Kasab, we'll allow you to demand biryani, perfumes and newspapers. Unfortunately, fulfilling those demands may be a different thing altogether but more on that later, when you enter the country. We could have put you in the very luxury hotels your men attacked on the night of 26/11. Unfortunately, these hotels have a policy. They don't give rooms to people who tried to kill them. Yes, simply appalling.
Having said that, you'll feel very secure in our nation. We don't even hurt cows who block roads. Some of us patiently wait for the divine bovine to chew the contents of its stomach with relish before giving space to our vehicles.
We would suggest, correction, we would insist, you take a walk on the streets of Mumbai. You'll probably get lynched but that's an occupational hazard of international terrorism. You would get lynched in Delhi too but if someone mistakes you for a woman, you'll probably be molested first. It's entirely up to you.
You see Mr Saeed, we are a mild mannered people. We like our Bollywood songs, our cricket matches and our samosas. We also try hard to elect honest politicians, and fail miserably. But what we don't do is send armed men into neighbouring countries to murder innocent women and children. Therefore, we would advise you to get your life insurance done at the earliest.
Thanking you
Affectionately An Indian govt official
After Pakistani terror mastermind HafizSaeed invited Shah Rukh Khan to Pakistan, the Indian government has been quick to return the gesture.
Saeed had said Khan can move to Pakistan if he does not feel safe in India.
Mocktale intercepted (yeah, we're that awesome) Indian government's reply to Saeed. Excerpts of the letter:
Dear Mr Saeed
Thank you for your magnanimous gesture in inviting Shah Rukh Khan to your country. Perhaps you didn't see his film 'My Name is Khan'. Allow us to elaborate. In the film, he clearly says his "name is Khan" and he's "not a terrorist".
Considering this shocking lack of terrorist skills and little or no thirst for human blood, Mr Khan will obviously feel a little out of place in your company. Therefore, we regret to inform you that the actor has declined to accept your invitation. Besides, he has some weddings to, err, attend.
However, we the people of India would like to reciprocate your lovely gesture. Considering the constant blasts and Taliban attacks in Pakistan, we urge you to move to India. We're much safer. We'll even protect you from Taliban and al-Qaida.
In fact, we already have a lovely room waiting for you. I believe you knew the previous occupant, a certain Mr Ajmal Kasab. He has vacated the room as he didn't want to hang around anymore.
Like Kasab, we'll allow you to demand biryani, perfumes and newspapers. Unfortunately, fulfilling those demands may be a different thing altogether but more on that later, when you enter the country. We could have put you in the very luxury hotels your men attacked on the night of 26/11. Unfortunately, these hotels have a policy. They don't give rooms to people who tried to kill them. Yes, simply appalling.
Having said that, you'll feel very secure in our nation. We don't even hurt cows who block roads. Some of us patiently wait for the divine bovine to chew the contents of its stomach with relish before giving space to our vehicles.
We would suggest, correction, we would insist, you take a walk on the streets of Mumbai. You'll probably get lynched but that's an occupational hazard of international terrorism. You would get lynched in Delhi too but if someone mistakes you for a woman, you'll probably be molested first. It's entirely up to you.
You see Mr Saeed, we are a mild mannered people. We like our Bollywood songs, our cricket matches and our samosas. We also try hard to elect honest politicians, and fail miserably. But what we don't do is send armed men into neighbouring countries to murder innocent women and children. Therefore, we would advise you to get your life insurance done at the earliest.
Thanking you
Affectionately An Indian govt official
